Speed Reads

Late Night Tackles Trump's First 100 Days

Seth Meyers gives President Trump his first report card: 100 Dayz and Confused

"President Trump has been scrambling for literally any kind of positive achievement as he nears the end of his first 100 days in office," Seth Meyers said on Monday's Late Show. The 100-day mark, of course, "is traditionally when presidents get their first big report card on their performance so far, and this will shock you, most people think he's not doing great," Meyer said. None of Trump's promised actions by Day 100 are done. "If this were a movie, it would be called 100 Dayz and Confused," he said. And yet, "like every terrible student, Trump is trying to turn an F into an A."

Trump is kind of right that "the 100 Day report card is an arbitrary, meaningless political milestone that most people don't actually care about," Meyers said, but Trump obviously does, having pitched a laundry list of things he would accomplish by Day 100. He's accomplished none of them, leaving him to brag about TV ratings and his electoral victory. "How could things get any worse?" Meyers asked. A government shutdown, of course. But Meyers was concerned if the government does shut down, nobody would even notice: "Under Trump our federal government is staffed as well as a Duane Reade on a Sunday morning."

Still, whether or not the government is open come Saturday rests on whether Trump will veto a spending bill without funding for his border wall. Wasn't Mexico going to pay for that wall? On Twitter, Trump said it still will, somehow, at some point in the future. "Trump's tweets are starting to sound like the fine print on a contest to win a free cruise," Meyers said. And how much will the wall cost? "Even the biggest sucker at the used car lot" would walk away, given Trump's delightfully obtuse answer to The Associated Press.

Meyers actually gets a lot of mileage out of Trump's freewheeling AP interview, but his parting shot came from Trump's glowing platitudes about his first 100 days delivered on camera last week. "That's the president of the United States saying 'government is coming along really well,'" Meyer said. "That's like going home to your wife and saying, 'Hello, wife, our marriage is coming along really well.'" Watch below. Peter Weber