Speed Reads

Late Show tackles president Trump

Stephen Colbert has a theory on why Trump fired the first female White House chief usher

Stephen Colbert had a boisterous crowd for Monday's Late Show, and he treated them to jokes about President Trump, crushed ambulances, conference calls, and Canadian alcohol. He kicked things off with his favorite subject. "Donald Trump continues to follow through on his promise to 'drain the swamp,' because it was announced on Friday that the White House has fired its chief usher," he said. "It took a while for her to leave the building, because there was no one available to show her the door."

The firing of Angella Reid — the first female usher and second African-American to hold the position — is kind of controversial, "because it's not a political position," Colbert said. "Reid is just the ninth chief usher since 1885. Back then, the chief usher was in charge of state dinners, and hedge-trimming Chester A. Arthur." Some noted historians are suggesting that Trump fired Reid because he thinks she might have been an Obama spy, but "even I think that's ridiculous," Colbert said. "I've seen pictures of this woman, and she doesn't look like an Obama spy." He showed a photo for effect.

Colbert touched on the GOP health-care legislating obliquely, playing an ad from Virginia Democratic gubernatorial candidate Tom Perriello criticizing the House bill using an ambulance crusher. "Honestly, it seems like a waste of a perfectly good ambulance — until you realize, without health care, we won't need them anymore," Colbert said. "But this could backfire for Periello, because the real star of the ad is clearly the Model 10 Crusher. Yeah, it's an up-and-comer. It's huge, it's loud, it destroys everything in its way — it could be our next president."

He ended with some jokes about the Eagles suing the Hotel California, and a few worthwhile minutes recapping a hilariously disastrous conference call White House budget director Mick Mulvaney held with reporters. "This is unbelievable," Colbert said, laughing. "Still, anyone who works at an office can tell you, it is one of the most successful conference calls of all time." It's funny because it may be true. Peter Weber