Stephen Colbert has some suggestions for how Trump can divert attention from his 'scandal stroganoff'
Stephen Colbert kicked off Wednesday night's Late Show monologue with President Trump's scandals. No, not Wednesday's or Monday's or Thursday's inevitable bombshell — "although technically they're all part of one big scandal stroganoff," he said. He was focused on Tuesday night's revelation that, according to detailed notes by former FBI Director James Comey, Trump asked him to kill an investigation into Michael Flynn, Trump's just-ousted national security adviser.
Trump reportedly said Flynn is "a good guy." Sure, Colbert said, breaking out his Trump accent: "'He's a good guy, ask anybody — Russia, Turkey, anybody.' Trump told Comey repeatedly to 'let it go ' — he even got Ivanka to help." And good luck getting the song out of your head. Now would be a good time for Trump to "change the conversation to something, shall we say, less 'indicting' — maybe now's the time to release your tax returns, sir," Colbert suggested. "Or, ooh, what would be less damaging? Got any more tapes of you and Billy Bush?"
Trump is also supposed to be leader of the free world, Colbert said, and before he heads to what promises to be an awkward NATO summit next week, NATO is "frantically trying to Trump-proof the president's first visit. Now, traditionally, Trump-proofing means locking the door to the Miss USA dressing room," he joked, "but in this case it also means compensating for Trump's notoriously short attention span by telling heads of state to limit their talks to two to four minutes at a time." He imagined how that might go, then turned to literary humor: "It would be really fun to watch Donald Trump read a book: 'It was the best of times ...' I love a happy ending."
The Week
Escape your echo chamber. Get the facts behind the news, plus analysis from multiple perspectives.
Sign up for The Week's Free Newsletters
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
Trump reportedly has some novel ideas about exercise, that it drains the body's "battery" and saps people of their finite lifetime supply of energy, and Colbert unpacked the ramifications a bit. He ended with an eye-roll at the fastest growing baby boy name in the U.S., according to Social Security Administration statistics: Kylo, as in the new villain of the Star Wars franchise. "This is surprising, since newborn babies look way more like Yoda to me: 'Poop my pants I did,'" Colbert said. "I'm not convinced naming your son Kylo is a great idea," he added, for a reason that will spoil The Force Awakens for you if you haven't already seen it. Peter Weber
A free daily email with the biggest news stories of the day – and the best features from TheWeek.com
Peter has worked as a news and culture writer and editor at The Week since the site's launch in 2008. He covers politics, world affairs, religion and cultural currents. His journalism career began as a copy editor at a financial newswire and has included editorial positions at The New York Times Magazine, Facts on File, and Oregon State University.
-
5 seriously spooky cartoons about HalloweenCartoons Artists take on the GOP boogeyman, a white sheet, and more
-
Political cartoons for October 25Cartoons Saturday’s political cartoons include hospital bill trauma, Independence Day, and more
-
Roasted squash and apple soup recipeThe Week Recommends Autumnal soup is full of warming and hearty flavours
-
Hungary’s Krasznahorkai wins Nobel for literatureSpeed Read László Krasznahorkai is the author of acclaimed novels like ‘The Melancholy of Resistance’ and ‘Satantango’
-
Primatologist Jane Goodall dies at 91Speed Read She rose to fame following her groundbreaking field research with chimpanzees
-
Florida erases rainbow crosswalk at Pulse nightclubSpeed Read The colorful crosswalk was outside the former LGBTQ nightclub where 49 people were killed in a 2016 shooting
-
Trump says Smithsonian too focused on slavery's illsSpeed Read The president would prefer the museum to highlight 'success,' 'brightness' and 'the future'
-
Trump to host Kennedy Honors for Kiss, StalloneSpeed Read Actor Sylvester Stallone and the glam-rock band Kiss were among those named as this year's inductees
-
White House seeks to bend Smithsonian to Trump's viewSpeed Read The Smithsonian Institution's 21 museums are under review to ensure their content aligns with the president's interpretation of American history
-
Charlamagne Tha God irks Trump with Epstein talkSpeed Read The radio host said the Jeffrey Epstein scandal could help 'traditional conservatives' take back the Republican Party
-
CBS cancels Colbert's 'Late Show'Speed Read 'The Late Show with Stephen Colbert' is ending next year
