"The national conversation continues to be how to keep our children safe from gun violence," Stephen Colbert said on Thursday's Late Show, and "for the president, for the Republican Party, for the NRA, every option is on the table — except fewer guns." President Trump did a lot of coerced listening on Wednesday, but he "actually does have a suggestion to deal with the number of guns — he wants more of them," Colbert said, specifically in the hands of teachers. "Yes, just arm the teachers — I'm sure it's in the school budget," he said. "'Sorry your school doesn't have enough copies of To Kill a Mockingbird, but good news: We're giving you something that can kill any bird.'"
Trump tried to explain his position on Twitter, and Colbert read through the tweetstorm, injecting commentary. "Yes, Trump never said to give guns to teachers willy-nilly — I mean, can you imagine what this country would be like if anyone could get a gun?" he deadpanned. "Yeah, that's what 'sickos' are known for: logical reasoning," he said later, and he wasn't sure about the "weapons talented" teachers, either: "Boy, Jim, you sure are handy with guns — have you thought about working with children?"
In the name of comedy, The Late Show did find one teacher enthusiastic about getting her Trump gun.
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The Florida legislature and the gun lobby both think God has an important role in the gun debate, Colbert said, playing a clip of NRA chief Wayne LaPierre speaking at CPAC on Thursday. "Guns are bestowed by God?" he asked. "Well, I guess we're going to have to update the Sistine Chapel, then. Less Michelangelo, more Quentin Tarantino. It really makes you wonder — is God pro-gun or not?" The Late Show God appeared on the ceiling to answer that: "Say hello to my little friend — no background check, and I'm a vengeful loner with a messiah complex!" Watch below. Peter Weber
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