Speed Reads


John Oliver recaps Vladimir Putin's big week of spy poisoning and election winning

John Oliver kicked off Sunday's Last Week Tonight with a brief look at President Trump's White House, "rated No. 1 place to work by Subpoena Magazine. Now, this week it seemed almost everyone in the White House was about to get fired," he said, and Secretary of State Rex Tillerson actually was, apparently in a particularly humiliating way — on the john, with a stomach bug. "Come on, Rex, deep down, when you took this job, you knew it would end like this," Oliver said.

Still, "instead of getting sucked down a White House rabbit hole yet again this week, let's instead focus on Russia," Oliver said, starting with the poisoning of former double agent Sergei Skripal and his daughter, Yulia. "Basically every country agrees that Russia did this, which is incredible — we can't even get the world to agree on a single shape for electrical outlets," Oliver said. "And frankly, the Russian government hasn't really gone out of its way to not look suspicious," up to and including President Vladimir Putin.

Russia also held presidential elections on Sunday, and "the winner was the poison guy," Oliver said. "Putin's win isn't really much of a surprise, given that three potential candidates who might have had the best chance against him didn't even make it onto the ballot." Putin actually bothered to campaign a little bit this time, and he had help from, among other people, a girl group that recorded a song fantasizing about marrying Putin. "What young woman wouldn't want to settle down with a joyless 65-year-old whose ex-wife once said of him, 'Unfortunately, he is a vampire'?" Oliver asked. His favorite propaganda campaign, however, involved children drawing pictures of Putin, and after showing some examples, he wrapped up. "What today's result means is that everything Putin is famous for — oppression, threats, and meddling in elections — will likely continue for the foreseeable future." Watch below (there is NSFW language). Peter Weber