Speed Reads

Late Night Tackles Guns

Stephen Colbert thinks he's found 'the saddest Trump tweets' yet, and he's happy to explain why

"We're done talking about the president — you can have the children come back into the room," Stephen Colbert told America's parents on Monday's Late Show. "Because we're going to talk about something impressive and inspiring. This weekend was the incredibly powerful March for Our Lives against gun violence," and if the estimates are right that 800,000 people attended the D.C. march alone, that would be the biggest single-day protest in the history of Washington, D.C. — "at least until Robert Mueller gets fired," he added wryly. Colbert ran through some of his favorite homemade signs from the rally and congratulated one of the speakers for having the courage to vomit on international television.

"Of course, not everybody was inspired by these young people," Colbert said. He was specifically talking about former Sen. Rick Santorum (R-Pa.), who chided the marching teens for asking other people to pass laws instead of personally learning CPR to save the next round of bleeding students. "Yeah, kids, stop asking your government to address your needs," Colbert joked darkly. "Remember what the bill from School House Rocks! says: 'You're on your own, suckers!'"

"Meanwhile, Robert Mueller's Russia investigation must be going well, because the president's lawyers are fleeing like rats leaving a sinking Trump," Colbert said, noting the sparse remnants of Trump's personal legal team and then reading Trump's tweets denying that he's having trouble hiring and keeping lawyers in the Russia investigation. "This is really one of the saddest Trump tweets I have ever seen," Colbert said. "He knows no one wants to represent him, but he's saying everybody does. That's like when I said I wasn't going to prom because too many pretty girls asked me and I didn't want to see them cry. Oh, he's got plenty of lawyers, but they're all in Canada, modeling." He somehow ended with heavily censored Frank Sinatra tunes, and you can watch that below. Peter Weber