"The last week has been an emotional roller coaster — there were a lot of twists and turns, and I feel like throwing up," Stephen Colbert said on Thursday's Late Show, but the saga of Brett Kavanaugh's Supreme Court nomination is almost over. The vote isn't until Saturday, he said, "but I got a strong hint that he would be confirmed" ... in July, when "he was nominated by a Republican president with a Republican Senate." He even predicted the final vote, with dramatic flair and props.
Still, now we have the FBI report, which Democrats say "is lacking in, uh, report," because, among other things, it didn't look into Kavanugh's alleged heavy drinking, a key part of the sexual misconduct claims, Colbert said. "That's like investigating an arson and saying, 'We're not really looking into the fire part, we're more wondering how this building disappeared over here. Was it wizards? Did they use mirrors?'"
"They interviewed nine people over five days — I've had more thorough investigations to find my AirPods," Colbert said. He ended with a look at old Senate Republican men reacting with gleeful anger to the report, and an impressive Gregory Peck impersonation, centered on "boofing."
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Lest you forgot about "boofing" and other factually dubious things Kavanaugh said at his hearing, The Late Show turned them into a drinking game.
Late Night's Seth Meyers was similarly unimpressed with the FBI's five-day investigation: "I had to do a report on the Louisiana Purchase in sixth grade, and it took me a month — and I got a C! They didn't even interview Kavanaugh or Dr. Christine Blasey Ford. They really went over this thing with a no-tooth comb." And he had a simple explanation for why Senate Republicans found no corroboration of Ford's allegations: "You didn't look for it!" He also had some jokes about Sen. Lindsey Graham's "schmear campaign" malapropism, and you can watch that below. Peter Weber
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