President Trump may have just made the most demonstrably false statement of his life.

On Tuesday, Trump met with the North Atlantic Treaty Organization's Secretary General to seemingly discuss nothing related to NATO at all. After all, beyond the fact that Germany is in the military alliance, there was no apparent reason for Trump to falsely claim his father was "born in a very wonderful place in Germany" when he was definitely born in New York City.

Beyond this random gaffe, Trump answered — or tried to answer — questions about Special Counsel Robert Mueller's investigation. While trying to say someone should look at the "origins" of the probe, Trump definitely said "oranges" three times before swapping it for "beginnings" instead. Kathryn Krawczyk

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi warned a reporter from the conservative Sinclair TV network not to "mess with" her on Thursday, and The Late Show found that advice sound, to the tune of "Bad Bad Leroy Brown."

Before her "spirited" press conference, "Pelosi had a big announcement" on the impeachment inquiry, Stephen Colbert said in his monologue, though he seemed underwhelmed that "we're about to start the beginning of the middle" of impeaching President Trump. He chuckled at Pelosi's notion that "we Catholics don't hate anyone," historically speaking, but he tipped his hat to her moxie: "Nancy Pelosi prays for the president, and I pray for that reporter. 'Uh, Madame Speaker, follow-up question: Can I have my balls back?'"

It was certainly "a feisty and festive day in Washington, D.C," Jimmy Kimmel said on Kimmel Live. Pelosi announced that "the House Judiciary Committee will now draft articles of impeachment against the president of the Untied States. This is big: This will be the first draft Donald Trump can't dodge."

On Wednesday, "the House heard testimony from four legal scholars, three of whom agreed that Trump's abuse of power is worse than any president in the history of presidents," Kimmel said. "These were professors from Stanford Law, Harvard Law, highly respected schools, and so naturally Trump sent his scariest crow out to discredit their credits." But Kellyanne Conway wasn't alone — Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Texas) tried to co-opt Willie Nelson to mock Stanford and Harvard Law, succeedingly only in making a mockery of himself, Kimmel laughed.

"What? 'Mama's don't let your babies go to Harvard or Stanford'? That took a weird turn," Trevor Noah agreed at The Daily Show, dramatizing Gohmert's bizarre polemic. While most of Wednesday's legal scholars "agreed that DJT needs to GTFO," he added, "according to the Republicans on the committee, these people weren't saying this because they're constitutional scholars; no, they were saying it because they're drinking Trump haterade." And one of them, Pamela Karlan, gifted them "a joke that backfired hard" involving 13-year-old Barron Trump, Noah sighed. "No, professor, what were you doing? You were brought in for your legal expertise, not to try and make jokes. The C in C-SPAN doesn't stand for comedy." He advised people to stick to making fun of Don Jr. and Eric. Watch below. Peter Weber

President Trump's favorite brand of concealer is having a moment.

On Wednesday, The Washington Post published an article about several undocumented immigrants who used to work at Trump's golf club in Bedminster, New Jersey. They revealed that the face makeup he uses is by the Swiss brand Bronx Colors in a shade so potent it would regularly stain his golf shirts and they would have to run down to the pro shop to buy replacements.

Bronx Colors was thrilled by this free advertising, and decided to capitalize on its moment in the spotlight. The company has revived its dormant Twitter account and updated its website with a special promotion: for a limited time, buy any item and receive the Boosting Hydrating Concealer in BHC06, "Donald Trump's favorite Bronx Colors product and color," for free. The concealer is already a steal at €6.50 a tube, and offers "beautiful, natural-looking coverage you can count on." Yes, for just €6.50, you too can have that fluorescent orange glow that no tanning bed can legally provide. Catherine Garcia

Rep. Duncan Hunter (R-Calif.) pleaded guilty Tuesday to one count of conspiracy to misuse campaign funds, but he has shown no rush to quit Congress. He has blown off reporters who've asked when he is resigning, and as of Wednesday, Politico reports, he had not met with House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.) to discuss his legal situation. "Our patience is not unlimited," a top Democratic leadership aide told Politico. A GOP lawmaker added that Hunter would be given time to "get his affairs in order .... but not forever."

The House Ethics Committee took the first step in nudging Hunter out the door on Thursday, telling him in a letter to stop voting in the House. If he does vote, the top Democrat and Republican on the committee warned Hunter, "you risk subjecting yourself to action by this committee, and by the House, in addition to any other disciplinary action that may be initiated in connection with your criminal conviction."

"In the past, members who have cut plea deals or been convicted of criminal offenses have come under enormous pressure to leave office quickly or face action by their colleagues, including expulsion," Politico reports. "The late Rep. James Traficant (D-Ohio), for instance, was expelled by the House following his conviction on bribery and other corruption charges. Traficant was convicted in April 2002, but then he refused to resign. Following a 'trial' by the House Ethics Committee, Traficant was expelled from the chamber three months later by a 420-1 vote."

Hunter took a plea deal to avoid dozens of federal counts of campaign finance violations for improperly diverting hundreds of thousands of dollars in campaign funds for personal use, including, allegedly, extramarital affairs with lobbyists and congressional staffers. House GOP leaders asked Hunter to give up his committee assignments when he was indicted last year, and when he didn't, they forced his hand. Peter Weber

It was a big day for Michael Orlando Clark Jr., and he wanted all of his kindergarten classmates to be a part of it.

Clark was adopted on Thursday, and his entire class came to the hearing in Grand Rapids, Michigan, filling up the courtroom benches and holding up paper hearts. They introduced themselves to Judge Patricia Gardner and told her how much they loved Clark. As soon as Gardner banged the gavel, making the adoption official, the kids burst into applause.

"We began the school year as a family," Clark's teacher told WZZM. "Family doesn't have to be DNA, because family is support and love." Clark was one of 36 children who were adopted during Kent County's 23rd annual Adoption Day, and he couldn't stop smiling throughout the hearing. After the event, as his father spoke to WZZM about the adoption, he was no longer able to contain his excitement. "I love my daddy," he told the reporter. "I love him so much." Catherine Garcia

A sad milestone was reached this week, with the Ray Pfeifer Foundation reporting that 200 New York City firefighters have now died from "9/11 illness."

The foundation, which provides assistance to 9/11 first responders with medical bills not covered by insurance, said that Dennis Gilhooly, a retired FDNY captain, and Brian Case, a retired firefighter, are the 199th and 200th FDNY deaths related to the attacks on the World Trade Center, CBS News reports.

Toxins were released when the World Trade Center towers collapsed, and more than 50,000 people who were exposed have become sick, CBS News says. Studies have found a high number of deaths from non-Hodgkin's lymphoma and brain malignancies among 9/11 first responders and others who were exposed to the dust cloud after the towers fell. Catherine Garcia

Uber released a startling 84-page review on Thursday outlining how many reports of sexual abuse the ride-hailing service received in 2018.

In the United States, there were 235 reports of rape, 280 reports of attempted rape, 1,560 reports of groping, and 970 reports of unwanted kissing. "Each of these incidents represents an individual who has undergone a horrific trauma," Tony West, Uber's chief legal officer, told NBC News.

Uber says the victims included both drivers and riders, with passengers accused of sexual assault in 45 percent of cases. "We do four million rides a day," West said. "And when you're operating at that kind of scale, thankfully, 99.9 percent of those rides end with absolutely no safety incident whatsoever." Uber said it has enacted stricter background checks for drivers and added more safety features in the app, including a button that lets users call 911. Catherine Garcia