Speed Reads

Late Night Tackles President Trump

Jimmy Kimmel recaps 2 weeks of Trump madness, savages Mike Pence's Ireland junket at Trump's resort

Hurricane Dorian "is no joke," Jimmy Kimmel said on Tuesday's Kimmel Live, "unless, of course, you're part of the graphics at FOX 5 in New York." That portrayal of Dorian was unfortunate, but Kimmel said the most interesting take on the storm came from "a random guy in Florida" who, like President Trump, wanted to use military assets to neuter hurricanes. "Trump just named him director of FEMA," he deadpanned.

Kimmel ran through all the times in the past three years Trump has said he'd never heard of a Category 5 hurricane. "He has the memory and skin tone of a goldfish, this man."

"Since we left for vacation, the president canceled a trip to Poland to monitor Dorian from his golf course in Virginia, tweeted 514 times, tried to buy Greenland and threw a fit when they wouldn't sell it, suggested firing a nuclear missile at a hurricane," Kimmel said, "attacked Grace from Will and Grace — Debra Messing — predicted Sean Spicer will do great on Dancing With the Stars, congratulated Poland on the anniversary of the Nazi invasion, fired his longtime assistant who reportedly got drunk and told journalists that Trump doesn't like to photographed with his daughter Tiffany because he believes her to be overweight, and wished a happy birthday to Regis."

Meanwhile, Vice President Mike Pence and his family are currently in Ireland on official business, and they are staying at Trump's golf resort in Doonbeg, 180 miles away from his official business in Dublin. "Trump apparently suggested Pence stay at his hotel while he's there, and Pence said 'Woof woof,' which is his way of saying yes," Kimmel said. "You think Mike Pence would eat dog food if Trump told him to? I bet he would. But the vice president's visit to Doonbeg is historic: It is the first time a Trump property has ever stayed at a Trump property." Watch below. Peter Weber