Stephen Colbert knows Trump's madcap antics are a distraction from impeachment, jokes about both

Rudy Giuliani, President Trump's personal Biden fixer, has been airing some pretty out-there conspiracy theories, The Late Show illustrated Monday night.

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In fact, over the weekend, "the president and his allies all journeyed to the mountains of madness, where all meaning was devoured in the cavernous maw of stupid, and they all got on the crazy train for one reason: To try to confuse everyone about a very simple story," Stephen Colbert said in his monologue. "It's Don and the Giant Impeach: Once upon a time, Donald Trump called the president of Ukraine and asked the foreign leader to investigate Joe Biden. The end — of his presidency, you would think."

"We know this because a whistleblower whistle-blew, and the White House released a transcript that confirmed everything the whistleblower said," Colbert recounted. "It's all in the new movie I Know What I Did Last Summer and Now You Do Too Because I Released the Transcript. It's a good movie — scary." With the story now out in the open, all that's left for Trump is diversion and intimidation. Colbert dove in, reading some of Trump's frantic tweet-blizzard, including where the president threatened the whistleblower and Rep. Adam Schiff (D-Calif.), misused the word "spy," and retweeted a shark-themed Trump parody account.

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"This afternoon at the White House, Trump tried to clear things up — unfortunately, he used his mouth, so it got more confusing," Colbert said. Abnormally, Trump exited the Oval Office before the press, to avoid questions. "I gotta say, even in a small dose, it's great to see Trump leave office," Colbert said. He ended on late-breaking news that Secretary of State Mike Pompeo was on the Ukraine call, too: "What was it, some sort of party line? 'Do you want to coerce a foreign leader into being your dirty little political opposition researcher? Or are you a naughty secretary of state who just likes to listen in? Call 1-900-QUID-PRO-QUICKIE.'" Watch below. Peter Weber

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