Stephen Colbert wished Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.) a speedy recovery from his heart operation, joking on Wednesday's Late Show that "this was always a risk — it's what happens when people want a president who has a heart."
Colbert pivoted fairly seamlessly to President Trump: "Now, with all the insane things that Trump is saying and doing about impeachment, it's easy to forget all the insane he's saying and doing about everything else. But thanks to a new book, we've learned that back in March, Trump suggested that soldiers on our southern border shoot migrants in the legs to slow them down. ... And when his staff told him his plans were impractical and illegal, he got angry, yelling, 'You're making me look like an idiot!' I think you got that one covered."
Still, Colbert said, "the pièce de dumb of Trump's lunatic border agenda was his idea to fortify the border wall with a water-filled trench stocked with snakes or alligators, prompting aides to seek a cost estimate. Who do you call? Where do you shop for 2,000 miles of moat gator? ... Trump took to Twitter today to refute the snake-moat story," he added, reading Trump's denial about requesting a "Moot" (though not the leg-shooting).
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"Not only is Trump's gator plan insane, it's also plagiarized — and you'll never guess who he stole the idea from," Colbert said. If you guessed former President Barack Obama, you're half right: "Ah, remember back in 2011, when a president talking about alligator moats was a joke, and the most embarrassing thing about Kevin Spacey was K-Pax? It was a simpler time. But I have a bone to pick with Obama, because he also plagiarized that joke from this guy I used to know who played a conservative pundit on a comedy show. ... Trump is stealing all my bits!" You can watch that blast from Colbert's past below. Peter Weber
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Florida erases rainbow crosswalk at Pulse nightclubSpeed Read The colorful crosswalk was outside the former LGBTQ nightclub where 49 people were killed in a 2016 shooting
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Trump says Smithsonian too focused on slavery's illsSpeed Read The president would prefer the museum to highlight 'success,' 'brightness' and 'the future'
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Trump to host Kennedy Honors for Kiss, StalloneSpeed Read Actor Sylvester Stallone and the glam-rock band Kiss were among those named as this year's inductees
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White House seeks to bend Smithsonian to Trump's viewSpeed Read The Smithsonian Institution's 21 museums are under review to ensure their content aligns with the president's interpretation of American history
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Charlamagne Tha God irks Trump with Epstein talkSpeed Read The radio host said the Jeffrey Epstein scandal could help 'traditional conservatives' take back the Republican Party
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CBS cancels Colbert's 'Late Show'Speed Read 'The Late Show with Stephen Colbert' is ending next year
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Shakespeare not an absent spouse, study proposesspeed read A letter fragment suggests that the Shakespeares lived together all along, says scholar Matthew Steggle
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New Mexico to investigate death of Gene Hackman, wifespeed read The Oscar-winning actor and his wife Betsy Arakawa were found dead in their home with no signs of foul play
