"After three weeks of debate and no witnesses called, the Republican-led Senate voted today to acquit Donald Trump on both articles of impeachment," and suddenly "our long national nightmare just got even longer and more nightmarish," Jimmy Kimmel said on Wednesday's Kimmel Live. "The lone Republican who voted 'guilty' was Mitt Romney," and "in five minutes, Romney laid waste to most every argument Trump's defenders made. He said Trump abused his power, that what he did was clearly impeachable, he said history will judge those who stand with the president, and then he chugged a quart of milk and crushed the empty carton on his head."
Trump will claim victory Thursday, but "at this point, he should just go play a round of golf with O.J." and "tweet: 'Here we are, just two innocent guys out enjoying 18 holes,'" Kimmel said. "Trump got away scot-free after extorting another country, with our taxpayer money, to help himself win an election. But Nancy Pelosi, the speaker of the House, is on the hot seat day because she ripped up some paper last night," he added. "I think tearing up the speech was a bad move — she should have rolled it up and spanked him with it."
The Late Show had other suggestions of what Pelosi might have done.
Subscribe to The Week
Escape your echo chamber. Get the facts behind the news, plus analysis from multiple perspectives.
Sign up for The Week's Free Newsletters
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
Late Night's Seth Meyers said Romney's "shocking" vote of conscience was especially great because he announced it "on Fox News, just to enrage Trump even more. Trump's aides probably had to put duct tape over the TV to make the headline say 'Trump is a good boy and I love him!'"
Seriously, "who would've thought that the most badass Republican in the Senate would end up being a Mormon dude named Mitt?" Trevor Noah marveled at The Daily Show. "The haters said you were as radical as a glass of skim milk, but they were wrong, Mitt. You're whole milk, my man." He mocked the ginned-up conservative outrage at Pelosi tearing up Trump's speech. "The people who support Trump, have no business complaining about 'breaches of decorum,'" especially after Trump gave the Presidential Medal of Freedom to Rush Limbaugh, Noah said. "Yeah, Rush Limbaugh might be racist, sexist, homophobic, and mock people with disabilities, but at least he treats paper with respect!"
Conan O'Brien gave everyone in his audience a Presidential Medal of Freedom after seeing how happy that made Limbaugh. Peter Weber
-
Savages: a tragi-comedy set in a 'quirky handcrafted world'The Week Recommends This new animated film by Oscar-nominated filmmaker Claude Barras is undeniably political, but it has a hopeful message
-
Why 'faceless bots' are interviewing job huntersIn The Spotlight Artificial intelligence is taking over a crucial part of recruitment
-
Who will win the battle for the soul of the Green Party?An ideological divide is taking root among the environmentalists
-
Charlamagne Tha God irks Trump with Epstein talkSpeed Read The radio host said the Jeffrey Epstein scandal could help 'traditional conservatives' take back the Republican Party
-
CBS cancels Colbert's 'Late Show'Speed Read 'The Late Show with Stephen Colbert' is ending next year
-
A long weekend in ZürichThe Week Recommends The vibrant Swiss city is far more than just a banking hub
-
Shakespeare not an absent spouse, study proposesspeed read A letter fragment suggests that the Shakespeares lived together all along, says scholar Matthew Steggle
-
New Mexico to investigate death of Gene Hackman, wifespeed read The Oscar-winning actor and his wife Betsy Arakawa were found dead in their home with no signs of foul play
-
Giant schnauzer wins top prize at Westminster showSpeed Read Monty won best in show at the 149th Westminster Kennel Club dog show
-
Beyoncé, Kendrick Lamar take top GrammysSpeed Read Beyoncé took home album of the year for 'Cowboy Carter' and Kendrick Lamar's diss track 'Not Like Us' won five awards
-
The Louvre is giving 'Mona Lisa' her own roomSpeed Read The world's most-visited art museum is getting a major renovation
