"After three weeks of debate and no witnesses called, the Republican-led Senate voted today to acquit Donald Trump on both articles of impeachment," and suddenly "our long national nightmare just got even longer and more nightmarish," Jimmy Kimmel said on Wednesday's Kimmel Live. "The lone Republican who voted 'guilty' was Mitt Romney," and "in five minutes, Romney laid waste to most every argument Trump's defenders made. He said Trump abused his power, that what he did was clearly impeachable, he said history will judge those who stand with the president, and then he chugged a quart of milk and crushed the empty carton on his head."
Trump will claim victory Thursday, but "at this point, he should just go play a round of golf with O.J." and "tweet: 'Here we are, just two innocent guys out enjoying 18 holes,'" Kimmel said. "Trump got away scot-free after extorting another country, with our taxpayer money, to help himself win an election. But Nancy Pelosi, the speaker of the House, is on the hot seat day because she ripped up some paper last night," he added. "I think tearing up the speech was a bad move — she should have rolled it up and spanked him with it."
The Late Show had other suggestions of what Pelosi might have done.
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Late Night's Seth Meyers said Romney's "shocking" vote of conscience was especially great because he announced it "on Fox News, just to enrage Trump even more. Trump's aides probably had to put duct tape over the TV to make the headline say 'Trump is a good boy and I love him!'"
Seriously, "who would've thought that the most badass Republican in the Senate would end up being a Mormon dude named Mitt?" Trevor Noah marveled at The Daily Show. "The haters said you were as radical as a glass of skim milk, but they were wrong, Mitt. You're whole milk, my man." He mocked the ginned-up conservative outrage at Pelosi tearing up Trump's speech. "The people who support Trump, have no business complaining about 'breaches of decorum,'" especially after Trump gave the Presidential Medal of Freedom to Rush Limbaugh, Noah said. "Yeah, Rush Limbaugh might be racist, sexist, homophobic, and mock people with disabilities, but at least he treats paper with respect!"
Conan O'Brien gave everyone in his audience a Presidential Medal of Freedom after seeing how happy that made Limbaugh. Peter Weber
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