Stephen Colbert, Seth Meyers, and Jimmy Kimmel notice Trump loves mass testing, but only for himself

President Trump's personal valet tested positive for the coronavirus, Stephen Colbert said on Thursday's Late Show. "The president was reportedly pretty upset," and not just about the health scare. "This news is inconvenient for the president, because it gets in the way of Trump's core message that we've gotta open up the country as fast as we can," Colbert said, even as his White House hides CDC guidelines on to do it safely.

"I'm guessing killing voters in an election year is going to be awkward at best, but Trump has a plan for that," Colbert said. "He's gone from being a birther to a deather." And the man who will "sell Trump's message of 'I don't see dead people'" is campaign manager Brad Parscale, who compared Trump's campaign to the Death Star, he noted. "Okay, first of all, Brad, it's refreshingly honest of you to say you're the people in Star Wars that were designed after the Nazis. But, have you seen the movie?"

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Jimmy Kimmel, like Colbert, recapped the Axl Rose-Steven Mnuchin feud, and he also noted Trump's "unsettling" valet news. "The White House says Trump took a test — he gets tested every day — and tested negative," Kimmel said. "But this president doesn't have time for the virus. He is very busy obstructing justice and redecorating his wall," at a cost of $500 million to $3 billion.

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"The Trump administration understands the importance of testing to safely reopen the economy because they're testing themselves, they just don't care about testing you," Late Night's Seth Meyer said. "That's what this is all about. They just want to protect themselves while telling you that you need to be a 'warrior' and get back out there to get the economy going," but "if he wants to force working people back into the economy prematurely in the middle of a deadly pandemic, he should make sure everyone else can get tested, too."

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It's not just testing Trump is tetchy about, Trevor Noah said at The Daily Show, recapping Trump's awkward Oval Office visit with nurses on Wednesday. "Only Donald Trump would dismiss the concerns of a frontline nurse at a reception to celebrate National Nurses Day," he said. "And I really feel bad for that nurse. ... Someone should have told her you don't disagree with Trump until you leave the White House and have a book to sell." Watch below. Peter Weber

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