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President Trump "has been so busy shanking the response to the coronavirus that he forgot about his real passion project, demonizing immigrants," Stephen Colbert said on Tuesday's Late Show. "But he's going back to the basics, because earlier today Trump barred the U.S. Census from counting undocumented immigrants." Trump's executive order, of course, is "completely unconstitutional," he added. "But Trump doesn't take no from the Constitution, he just grabs it by the preamble."
"Oh, speaking of unconstitutional, last night in Portland, Oregon, nameless federal storm troopers again fired tear gas and flash grenades at protesters," including a growing group of moms and a new contingent of dads, Colbert said. "Local officials aren't happy" and have told the agents to leave, but Trump claimed Oregon leaders don't want "his duck-duck-goose-steppers" because they're afraid of the protesters. Yes, "these protesters are incredibly scary, like this woman doing yoga to distract the feds — that is naked aggression," he deadpanned, showing a safe-for-work photo of a protester dubbed "Naked Athena."
Trump says he's taking this national, to cities like New York and Chicago. "This is gonna get bad, because Trump just wants more chaos," Colbert sighed. He imagined how Sex and the City would look under federal occupation.
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And he gave the federal agents a culinary destination in Chicago.
The Daily Show's Trevor Noah also ran through some of the "dramatic" protests in Portland, including Athena. "Protesting naked? Now, that's bravery," he said. "Although are we sure being naked is part of a protest? I mean, she could just be one of those people who spend so much time in lockdown that they forgot that they have to wear clothes when they leave the house." Also, "you know your protest is picking up steam when your mom shows up," he added.
"Unidentified soldiers throwing protesters into an unmarked van on the streets of Portland" sounds "less like democracy and more like an episode of Narcos," Noah said. "And how are people even supposed to tell the difference between being arrested and being kidnapped? Because I don't know if you've notice this, but in America, random dudes walk around in camo gear holding guns all the time." And with Trump "planning to send these secret police to cities all across America," he said, "you might want to get naked and call your mom, because sh-t's about to go down." Watch below. Peter Weber