Late night hosts cheer the end of the Afghanistan War, gawk at Matt Gaetz's 'champagne-fueled sex parties'

(Image credit: Screenshot/YouTube/The Late Show)

published 15 April 2021

President Biden just announced an end to the Afghanistan War, "and people, it's about time," Trevor Noah said on Wednesday's Daily Show. "It's been what, 19 years? No war should ever be old enough to serve in itself."

Biden critics say Afghanistan will become a failed state after the U.S. leaves, but what's the alternative, staying there forever? Noah asked. If so, "America should at least make Afghanistan a U.S. state. And the good news with that is it would eliminate Afghanistan's terrorism problem completely, because we all know that once terrorists are American, they're not terrorists anymore, they're just frustrated citizens who are having a bad day."

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The Gaetz news "gets more disturbing/more entertaining," Colbert said. "This morning we learned that Gaetz attended champagne-fueled sex parties with other GOP officials." Gaetz's "wingman" Joel Greenberg, who also attended these house parties, has reportedly flipped on Gaetz, he added. "And we know that Greenberg threw his buddy under the school bus because last winter, federal agents seized Gaetz's phone. On the bright side, that just gives Gaetz another thing in common with his dates. 'Hey, Madison, I just lost my phone privileges, too.'"

Between Greenberg cooperating with the feds and those wild house parties, "the odds of Matt Gaetz going to prison are now higher than his hair," Jimmy Kimmel said at Kimmel Live. "Two women who said they were at the parties told CNN they saw Gaetz taking pills they assumed were party drugs, and he had sex with the women, after which money would change hands. That's crazy. Has Matt Gaetz learned nothing from Donald Trump? You're supposed to have your lawyer pay the women after you have sex with them, in secret."

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Peter has worked as a news and culture writer and editor at The Week since the site's launch in 2008. He covers politics, world affairs, religion and cultural currents. His journalism career began as a copy editor at a financial newswire and has included editorial positions at The New York Times Magazine, Facts on File, and Oregon State University.