“No literary genre divides opinion quite like self-help,” said Josiah Gogarty in GQ. Some people love it, while others steer well clear. But the best personal growth books “cover a lot more ground than you might think”, spanning everything from deeply personal memoirs about grief to science-backed guides that could change your relationships. Here are our top picks.
Secure by Dr Amir Levine
It’s been 16 years since Dr Amir Levine and Rachel Heller published the bestselling “Attached”, which set out the “four main styles of bonding” in human relationships: anxious, secure, avoidant and fearful avoidant, said psychotherapist Philippa Perry in The Guardian. Now Levine is back with his keenly anticipated follow-up that’s also rooted in attachment theory. The psychiatrist lays out a “set of tools to help us feel more secure in all our relationships” – not just with romantic partners, but with friends, parents and “even with ourselves”. Firmly grounded in neuroscience and research, it’s an insightful read that can help you “know yourself better” and move towards “positive change”. Of course, you can’t just read the book: you must also be willing to “do the work and then keep up the practice”.
The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga
This is “different from any other self-help book I’ve ever read”, said consultant psychiatrist Alex Curmi in The Guardian. Written in the format of a “philosopher talking to a young, frustrated student”, Kishimi and Koga introduce readers to Austrian psychoanalyst Alfred Adler’s ideas around the “separation of tasks, where you decide which tasks you are responsible for and then let other people get on with their own tasks”. This can be “extremely liberating” – especially for people pleasers.
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The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk
Published over a decade ago, this insightful book is one that “hasn’t wavered in popularity” and continues to “attract new fans with each passing year”, said Daisy Jones in Vogue. “It’s easy to see why.” The Dutch psychiatrist writes in a “persuasive” way that “rings true”. Backing his ideas with scientific research, he argues that “though the brain may work hard to suppress trauma, the body does not in fact forget”.
Atomic Habits by James Clear
“If you’ve ever wanted to change something about your life but found it overwhelming”, this transformative book provides a “step-by-step” guide to building small positive habits, said Tria Wen in Reader’s Digest. This is a “great book to gift”, helping readers “think about their goals in terms of little shifts they can make” that can be divided into “more manageable pieces”. By adding “one tiny” habit at a time, it’s possible to “create real and lasting change”.
The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion
Joan Didion is known for her “journalistic dispatches written in ice-cold prose”, said Gogarty in GQ. But following the sudden death of her husband in 2003, she “turned her unblinking analytical eye on her own life” in this powerful memoir. In it, she shines a light on her “debilitating grief”, transforming the nature of writing about bereavement. “Mourning is part of being human, and ‘The Year of Magical Thinking’ has lessons for everyone.”
Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman
The title of this book might sound “terrifying” (4,000 weeks is the average human lifespan) but beneath the cover there’s an “optimistic” message, said Gogarty in GQ. Instead of trying to encourage “unattainable levels of productivity”, Burkeman “urges you to accept your limits and make peace with your perpetual mountain of tasks”. His advice? To “stop sweating over your to-do list” and choose to focus only on what’s important.
