Boysober: the rebranding of female celibacy

"Celibacy has had a rebrand," said Refinery29. Previously it was "intertwined with religious ideas of purity and chastity", but amid a rising awareness of asexuality and the erosion of reproductive rights, the motives for abstaining from sex are now "more varied". 

Italian-American actress Julia Fox recently linked her two-and-a-half years of celibacy to the overturning of Roe v. Wade, which ended the constitutional right to abortion in the US, saying she didn't feel comfortable having sex "until things change".

Online, "celibacy is trending", said Time Out. The hashtag has tens of thousands of posts on TikTok, while the phrase "boysober" – coined by US comedian Hope Woodard to describe abstaining from dating – is "gaining traction".

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The movement is all about "keeping your twenties untainted by toxic dating habits and roundabout relationships", said The Independent's Oliver Keens. In the comedian's own words, it's about removing the "fake sense of validation that we get from dating and situationships and sleeping around, and refocusing that energy".

The new face of celibacy

South Korea's feminist-led 4B movement – no sex, no dating, no marriage, no childbirth, by choice – is gaining popularity globally, said Refinery 29.

Meanwhile, various studies suggest that Gen Z and millennials are having "less sex than previous generations". "For women who have experienced feelings of disillusionment in their sex and dating lives, a vow of celibacy might help someone recoup or figure out what needs to change in order to find greater fulfilment here."

One survey last year of 2,000 people by dating app Dua.com found that the number of Britons choosing to abstain from sex had increased from 12% to 20% in 10 years.

But this is a long-term trend, said Time magazine in 2018. The number of all Americans having sex at least once a week fell from 45% in 2000 to 36% in 2016, according to the General Social Survey (GSS), which has been gathered by the National Opinion Research Council at the University of Chicago since 1972. 

One analysis of GSS data in 2018 showed that more than twice as many US millennials were sexually inactive in their early 20s than the previous generation. Only the 60-somethings are "bucking the trend", possibly with "a little pharmaceutical help".

Teen sex in the US, which is monitored by the Centers for Disease Control, has been on a "downward trend since 1985".

What's actually changed

Celibacy "persistently returns to the public conversation", said The New York Times. Fox's vow of celibacy as a way to "take back the control" recalled a "similar statement" from Lady Gaga in 2010, when she claimed periods of celibacy allowed her to be "strong and independent".

But much of the "current vogue for celibacy" is driven not by aversion to sex but by "disgust with the digital-age dating scene".

A recent backlash to a marketing campaign from dating app Bumble, with slogans including "Thou shalt not give up on dating and become a nun" felt like the "death knell" for "sex-positive feminism", said Arwa Mahdawi in The Guardian. The campaign, which appeared to be trying to "make casual sex great again", did not land well. 

"Thousands of words have been written about the great sex recession," but this "brouhaha" over the "great Bumble fumble" points to a "fascinating change in culture".