The daily gossip: The Secret Service has a file on John Mulaney, Taylor Swift and Ryan Reynolds want to help you find love, and more

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1. The Secret Service investigated John Mulaney
2. Taylor Swift and Ryan Reynolds want you to find your match
3. Lady Gaga introduces Chromatica Oreos, seems skeptical
4. Drake wants your home to smell like Drake
5. Nick Cave can't sell any of his erotic wallpaper

published 2 December 2020

1. The Secret Service investigated John Mulaney

The world's least threatening comedian, John Mulaney, revealed that he was investigated by the Secret Service for a joke he made during his Saturday Night Live monologue back in February. Mulaney had been quipping about the leap year, which was started by Julius Caesar: "And another thing that happened with Caesar is that he was stabbed to death by a bunch of senators because he went crazy," Mulaney went on, adding, "That would be an interesting thing if we brought that back now!" Whoops. Not long afterward, an agent called to vet Mulaney. "Am I stoked there's a file open on me? Absolutely," the comedian told Jimmy Kimmel. "Did I enjoy it in the moment? Not so much." Mulaney added, "I was cleared by the Secret Service — I've been told."

Now that Taylor Swift and Ryan Reynolds are both very much coupled up (with Joe Alwyn and Blake Lively, respectively), they want you to find love, too. The duo collaborated on a Match commercial, created by Reynold's production company, in which the devil finds his perfect match with the year 2020 and they gallivant around a deserted city in a montage set to Swift's "Love Story." No, not the original Big Machine version. Yes, Swift debuted the first snippet of the re-recorded version. But Swift was quick to comment that the re-records are not done. "Working hard to get the music to you soon," she wrote. For now, we'll just have to watch the 2020-themed commercial on repeat, which it feels like we've been doing for a while now, anyway.

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Here's some news that'll make you shout "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHRHRGRGRGRRRGURBHJB!" On Wednesday, a supine Lady Gaga shared from her bed that the powers that be have "decided it was a good idea to have a, um, Chromatica Oreo, which is a pink cookie with green filling." Despite their somewhat frightening color, the cookies are apparently flavored like regular Golden Oreos, with bright coloring that references Gaga's sixth studio album, Chromatica. Gaga herself seems somewhat dubious about the culinary invention, however — she notably abstains from actually eating one of the cookies in her video, much less sits up to talk about them. Chromatica Oreos join cinnamon bun Oreos, limeade oreos, and chocolate strawberry Oreos as Nabisco monstrosities that are inferior to Double Stuf.

Time to put away Gwenyth Paltrow's "This Smells Like My Vagina" candle and make room for Drake's new Drake-scented candle. The rapper is launching a candle line this winter, named Better World Fragrance House. The line includes five scents, one of which "actually smells like Drake." That's right, for $80 the Carby Musk candle will make your home smell of musk, ambers, cashmere, suede, and velvet — basically like Drake just walked into the room. Guaranteed to keep you company through the next quarantine.

Rock legend Nick Cave has been described as one of the best lyricists of all time, but he's significantly less successful as a wallpaper designer. The musician told the Financial Times that he has not sold a single roll of his erotic wallpaper, which depicts his "Hyatt girls" doodles (so named because he'd originally drawn them on Hyatt hotel room pads) and retails for around $265 on his Cave Things store. "My favorite thing is the Hyatt Girls pornographic wallpaper, made from drawings of naked women I have doodled in hotels down the years," Cave said. "It's a lovely thing — and so far has sold zero rolls. I am immensely proud of designing a product that literally nobody wants!"

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