"The Biden administration today announced a new new round of sanctions designed to punish Russia for their war crimes against Ukraine," Jimmy Kimmel said on Wednesday's Kimmel Live. "I'm surprised they have any sanctions left. This one targets Russian banks and two of Vladimir Putin's adult children. Wouldn't it be something if what finally got Putin to stop this was his daughter going, 'Dad, they cut off my credit card! You gotta do something!'"
"Twitter announced a plan to test something they should have done like 10 years ago, which is adding an edit button," Kimmel said. "That way when you're Ted Cruz and you accidentally post stepmom porn, you can add the word 'Oops' to the end of it and you'll be fine."
Elon Musk pushed for the edit button right after buying a 9.2 percent stake in the company, and "sure, I mean I'd rather you canceled the accounts of all the Nazis, but an edit button would be nice," Stephen Colbert said on The Late Show. "Continuing with tonight's billionaire theme, there's news about Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg," who recently shared "an interesting anecdote about how beloved he is at work," he said. "'Yes, sure, they're comparing you to the Dark Lord Sauron 'lovingly.' 'The guys at the office adore me — they call me Evil Incarnate, El Diablo, Jarred from Subway...'"
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The Late Show also suggested other Facebook nicknames for Zuckerberg.
Speaking of social media, "has anyone here been on former President Trump's social media app Truth Social?" Jimmy Fallon asked on The Tonight Show, answered with silence. "Well, that's the problem. Apparently Trump is upset, he's furious, because his Truth Social app is a flop." Yeah, "at this point, even Rudy Giuliani's OnlyFans account has more traffic," he joked. "Trump is furious because other than Trump Airlines, Trump Steak, Trump Vodka, Trump Mortgage, Trump Magazine, and Trump University, it is the first business fail of his career."
Meanwhile, "Ivanka Trump reportedly met yesterday with the House committee investigating the January attack on the Capitol for nearly eight hours," Seth Meyers said on Late Night. "Oh my God, you guys, she did it! She worked an eight-hour day!"
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The return of 'Wednesday,' an 'Alien' prequel and a dramatic retelling of the Amanda Knox trial all happening in August TVthe week recommends This month's new television releases include 'Alien: Earth,' 'The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox' and a new season of 'Wednesday'
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How does a 401(k) hardship withdrawal work and is it smart to take one?the explainer More Americans than ever are resorting to this option in a pinch
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ICE scraps age limits amid hiring pushSpeed Read Anyone 18 or older can now apply to be an ICE agent
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Trump's global tariffs take effect, with new additionsSpeed Read Tariffs on more than 90 US trading partners went into effect, escalating the global trade war
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House committee subpoenas Epstein filesSpeed Read The House Oversight Committee has issued a subpoena to the Justice Department for its Jeffrey Epstein files with an Aug. 19 deadline
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India rejects Trump threat over Russian oilSpeed Read The president said he would raise tariffs on India for buying and selling Russian oil
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NY's Hochul vows response to Texas gerrymanderSpeed Read Gov. Kathy Hochul has promised to play ball with redistricting that favors the Democrats
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Texas Democrats exit state to block redistricting voteSpeed Read More than 51 legislators fled the state in protest of the GOP's plan to redraw congressional districts
