"The Biden administration today announced a new new round of sanctions designed to punish Russia for their war crimes against Ukraine," Jimmy Kimmel said on Wednesday's Kimmel Live. "I'm surprised they have any sanctions left. This one targets Russian banks and two of Vladimir Putin's adult children. Wouldn't it be something if what finally got Putin to stop this was his daughter going, 'Dad, they cut off my credit card! You gotta do something!'"
"Twitter announced a plan to test something they should have done like 10 years ago, which is adding an edit button," Kimmel said. "That way when you're Ted Cruz and you accidentally post stepmom porn, you can add the word 'Oops' to the end of it and you'll be fine."
Elon Musk pushed for the edit button right after buying a 9.2 percent stake in the company, and "sure, I mean I'd rather you canceled the accounts of all the Nazis, but an edit button would be nice," Stephen Colbert said on The Late Show. "Continuing with tonight's billionaire theme, there's news about Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg," who recently shared "an interesting anecdote about how beloved he is at work," he said. "'Yes, sure, they're comparing you to the Dark Lord Sauron 'lovingly.' 'The guys at the office adore me — they call me Evil Incarnate, El Diablo, Jarred from Subway...'"
The Week
Escape your echo chamber. Get the facts behind the news, plus analysis from multiple perspectives.
Sign up for The Week's Free Newsletters
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
The Late Show also suggested other Facebook nicknames for Zuckerberg.
Speaking of social media, "has anyone here been on former President Trump's social media app Truth Social?" Jimmy Fallon asked on The Tonight Show, answered with silence. "Well, that's the problem. Apparently Trump is upset, he's furious, because his Truth Social app is a flop." Yeah, "at this point, even Rudy Giuliani's OnlyFans account has more traffic," he joked. "Trump is furious because other than Trump Airlines, Trump Steak, Trump Vodka, Trump Mortgage, Trump Magazine, and Trump University, it is the first business fail of his career."
Meanwhile, "Ivanka Trump reportedly met yesterday with the House committee investigating the January attack on the Capitol for nearly eight hours," Seth Meyers said on Late Night. "Oh my God, you guys, she did it! She worked an eight-hour day!"
-
Music reviews: Laufey, Deftones, and Earl SweatshirtFeature "A Matter of Time," "Private Music," and "Live Laugh Love"
-
'What's profitable today is not unification. It's segmentation.'Instant Opinion Opinion, comment and editorials of the day
-
GPT-5: Not quite ready to take over the worldFeature OpenAI rolls back its GPT-5 model after a poorly received launch
-
US kills 11 on 'drug-carrying boat' off VenezuelaSpeed Read Trump claimed those killed in the strike were 'positively identified Tren de Aragua Narcoterrorists' shipping drugs to the US
-
Trump vows to send federal forces to Chicago, BaltimoreSpeed Read The announcement followed a California judge ruling that Trump's LA troop deployment was illegal
-
Trump crypto token launch earns family billionsSpeed Read The World Liberty Financial token is now the Trump family's 'most valuable asset'
-
RFK Jr. names new CDC head as staff revoltSpeed Read Kennedy installed his deputy, Jim O'Neill, as acting CDC director
-
DC prosecutors lose bid to indict sandwich throwerSpeed Read Prosecutors sought to charge Sean Dunn with assaulting a federal officer
-
White House fires new CDC head amid agency exodusSpeed Read CDC Director Susan Monarez was ousted after butting heads with HHS Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. over vaccines
-
DOGE put Social Security data at risk, official saysSpeed Read DOGE workers made the personal information of hundreds of millions of Americans vulnerable to identity theft
-
Court rejects Trump suit against Maryland US judgesSpeed Read Judge Thomas Cullen, a Trump appointee, said the executive branch had no authority to sue the judges
