"The Biden administration today announced a new new round of sanctions designed to punish Russia for their war crimes against Ukraine," Jimmy Kimmel said on Wednesday's Kimmel Live. "I'm surprised they have any sanctions left. This one targets Russian banks and two of Vladimir Putin's adult children. Wouldn't it be something if what finally got Putin to stop this was his daughter going, 'Dad, they cut off my credit card! You gotta do something!'"
"Twitter announced a plan to test something they should have done like 10 years ago, which is adding an edit button," Kimmel said. "That way when you're Ted Cruz and you accidentally post stepmom porn, you can add the word 'Oops' to the end of it and you'll be fine."
Elon Musk pushed for the edit button right after buying a 9.2 percent stake in the company, and "sure, I mean I'd rather you canceled the accounts of all the Nazis, but an edit button would be nice," Stephen Colbert said on The Late Show. "Continuing with tonight's billionaire theme, there's news about Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg," who recently shared "an interesting anecdote about how beloved he is at work," he said. "'Yes, sure, they're comparing you to the Dark Lord Sauron 'lovingly.' 'The guys at the office adore me — they call me Evil Incarnate, El Diablo, Jarred from Subway...'"
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The Late Show also suggested other Facebook nicknames for Zuckerberg.
Speaking of social media, "has anyone here been on former President Trump's social media app Truth Social?" Jimmy Fallon asked on The Tonight Show, answered with silence. "Well, that's the problem. Apparently Trump is upset, he's furious, because his Truth Social app is a flop." Yeah, "at this point, even Rudy Giuliani's OnlyFans account has more traffic," he joked. "Trump is furious because other than Trump Airlines, Trump Steak, Trump Vodka, Trump Mortgage, Trump Magazine, and Trump University, it is the first business fail of his career."
Meanwhile, "Ivanka Trump reportedly met yesterday with the House committee investigating the January attack on the Capitol for nearly eight hours," Seth Meyers said on Late Night. "Oh my God, you guys, she did it! She worked an eight-hour day!"
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Crossword: September 17, 2025The Week's daily crossword
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House posts lewd Epstein note attributed to TrumpSpeed Read The estate of Jeffrey Epstein turned over the infamous 2003 birthday note from President Donald Trump
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Supreme Court allows 'roving' race-tied ICE raidsSpeed Read The court paused a federal judge's order barring agents from detaining suspected undocumented immigrants in LA based on race
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South Korea to fetch workers detained in Georgia raidSpeed Read More than 300 South Korean workers detained in an immigration raid at a Hyundai plant will be released
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DC sues Trump to end Guard 'occupation'Speed Read D.C. Attorney General Brian Schwalb argues that the unsolicited military presence violates the law
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RFK Jr. faces bipartisan heat in Senate hearingSpeed Read The health secretary defended his leadership amid CDC turmoil and deflected questions about the restricted availability of vaccines
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White House defends boat strike as legal doubts mountSpeed Read Experts say there was no legal justification for killing 11 alleged drug-traffickers
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Epstein accusers urge full file release, hint at own listspeed read A rally was organized by Reps. Ro Khanna and Thomas Massie, who are hoping to force a vote on their Epstein Files Transparency Act
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Court hands Harvard a win in Trump funding battleSpeed Read The Trump administration was ordered to restore Harvard's $2 billion in research grants
