"The Biden administration today announced a new new round of sanctions designed to punish Russia for their war crimes against Ukraine," Jimmy Kimmel said on Wednesday's Kimmel Live. "I'm surprised they have any sanctions left. This one targets Russian banks and two of Vladimir Putin's adult children. Wouldn't it be something if what finally got Putin to stop this was his daughter going, 'Dad, they cut off my credit card! You gotta do something!'"
"Twitter announced a plan to test something they should have done like 10 years ago, which is adding an edit button," Kimmel said. "That way when you're Ted Cruz and you accidentally post stepmom porn, you can add the word 'Oops' to the end of it and you'll be fine."
Elon Musk pushed for the edit button right after buying a 9.2 percent stake in the company, and "sure, I mean I'd rather you canceled the accounts of all the Nazis, but an edit button would be nice," Stephen Colbert said on The Late Show. "Continuing with tonight's billionaire theme, there's news about Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg," who recently shared "an interesting anecdote about how beloved he is at work," he said. "'Yes, sure, they're comparing you to the Dark Lord Sauron 'lovingly.' 'The guys at the office adore me — they call me Evil Incarnate, El Diablo, Jarred from Subway...'"
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The Late Show also suggested other Facebook nicknames for Zuckerberg.
Speaking of social media, "has anyone here been on former President Trump's social media app Truth Social?" Jimmy Fallon asked on The Tonight Show, answered with silence. "Well, that's the problem. Apparently Trump is upset, he's furious, because his Truth Social app is a flop." Yeah, "at this point, even Rudy Giuliani's OnlyFans account has more traffic," he joked. "Trump is furious because other than Trump Airlines, Trump Steak, Trump Vodka, Trump Mortgage, Trump Magazine, and Trump University, it is the first business fail of his career."
Meanwhile, "Ivanka Trump reportedly met yesterday with the House committee investigating the January attack on the Capitol for nearly eight hours," Seth Meyers said on Late Night. "Oh my God, you guys, she did it! She worked an eight-hour day!"
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How are these Epstein files so damaging to Trump?TODAY'S BIG QUESTION As Republicans and Democrats release dueling tranches of Epstein-related documents, the White House finds itself caught in a mess partially of its own making
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Margaret Atwood’s memoir, intergenerational trauma and the fight to make spousal rape a crime: Welcome to November booksThe Week Recommends This month's new releases include ‘Book of Lives: A Memoir of Sorts’ by Margaret Atwood, ‘Cursed Daughters’ by Oyinkan Braithwaite and 'Without Consent' by Sarah Weinman
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GOP retreats from shutdown deal payout provisionSpeed Read Senators are distancing themselves from a controversial provision in the new government funding package
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Catholic bishops rebuke Trump on immigrationSpeed Read ‘We feel compelled’ to ‘raise our voices in defense of God-given human dignity,’ the bishops said
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House releases Epstein emails referencing TrumpSpeed Read The emails suggest Trump knew more about Epstein’s sex trafficking of underage women than he has claimed
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UK, Colombia halt intel to US over boat attacksSpeed Read Both countries have suspended intelligence sharing with the US over the bombing of civilian boats suspected of drug smuggling
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Trump pardons 2020 fake electors, other GOP alliesSpeed Read The president pardoned Rudy Giuliani and more who tried to overturn his 2020 election loss
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Supreme Court to decide on mail-in ballot limitsSpeed Read The court will determine whether states can count mail-in ballots received after Election Day
