Customer unhappy with new van’s rude numberplate

A customer was less than pleased when he discovered that his van registration plate started with the letters and numbers BJ69. When he prepared to pick up the vehicle from van leasing firm Vanarama he told them the plate was “too rude”. A spokesman for the firm said: “Every year the DVLA make a song and dance about censoring naughty number plates, but somehow they’ve decided ‘BJ69’ isn’t too much.”

Angry seal busts a drug ring

An aggressive seal helped bust a drug-smuggling ring in Australia. The seal prevented the getaway of two when they awoke it during their attempted escape. “They woke it up and it jumped up with its big chest out and bellowed at them,” said a marine rescue officer. “The guys basically had the choice of going through the seal or getting arrested and they ended up choosing getting arrested.”

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India prepares for first farting contest

The Indian state of Gujarat is holding its first farting contest this week. Yatin Sangoi, the organiser, told Vice: “I farted in the middle of watching a movie with my family and one of them laughed, and said that if there was a contest, I would’ve won.” He has advised contestants to radishes, beans and boiled potatoes ahead of the flatulent face-off.

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