Speed Reads

Late Night Tackles TrumpCare

Samantha Bee explains the Trump-Ryan health-care debacle as Thelma & Louise

"Last week was supposed to be a triumph for Republicans," Samantha Bee said on Wednesday's Full Frontal. "After seven long years, our national nightmare of somewhat affordable health coverage would finally be over." But of course the American Health Care Act, the GOP bill that sought to topple ObamaCare, created by House Speaker Paul Ryan and pushed hard by President Trump, crashed and burned on Friday amid Republican acrimony. "So I guess Democrats kind of won," Bee shrugged, "the same way the cops won that car chase at the end of Thelma & Louise."

The president himself tried to sweet-talk and threaten the bill across the finish line. "Trump couldn't sell ObamaCare repeal to a House that voted for it 60 times already?" Bee said. "Closing deals is the one thing President Big Boy Truck was supposed to know how to do!" And she laughed at Trump's claim that Democrats were to blame for not helping, reminding Trump, "It was killed by friendly fire!"

Though maybe "friendly" is the wrong word for the Freedom Caucus, Bee conceded, with some advice: "You can't negotiate with the Freedom Caucus, Mr. President. John Boehner could have told you that, but he's busy these days, sipping Merlot on the beach and counting his zero f—ks. The Tea Party sent the Freedom Caucus to Washington with one mission: To scream 'No' in the president's face, like the demented offspring of a hyena and a banshee. They didn't have a backup program for if you became president. None of us did, including you!"

She poked some fun at Ryan, too, joking that if you listen hard, "you can still hear Paul Ryan sobbing into his Ayn Rand doll. Oh, Raggity Aynd despises your weakness, Paul." And she tried to celebrate that "the stupid repeal-and-replace charade is over" — except Trump, Ryan, and other top Republicans keep insisting it isn't. Bee responded with a second doctored photo of Trump and Ryan as Thelma and Louise: "Sure, go for it guys. Maybe the movie will end differently this time." Watch the occasionally NSFW recap below. Peter Weber