Speed Reads

Late Night Tackles TrumpCare

Stephen Colbert doubts Trump's claims that he understands health-care policy

The Senate GOP health-care bill has "one major flaw," Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday's Late Show. "And I don't want to get too wonky, but it's a hot pile of garbage." Senate GOP leaders delayed a vote on the bill until after the July 4 holiday, he added, and "it's a smart move. You don't want to strip people of health care until after the holiday that mixes booze and explosives."

There's lots of blame to go around, Colbert said, noting a New York Times article that suggested Trump had failed as a closer. "Yeah, usually he's a great closer — I mean, just look at his casinos," Colbert said, accurately but unkindly. Trump did not like another article in the Times that suggested he knew nothing about the basics of the health-care plan, so he hit back on Twitter, insisting that he totally understands health-care policy and only wants victory for America. "Oh yes, he totally understands health care — he thinks you can win it," Colbert said, switching to his Trump-tweet voice: "At the next Olympics, the U.S. will take gold in the 400m prostate exam."

Trump is blaming Democrats, but he hasn't given up, promising a great surprise with the reworked bill. Right now, it's polling as low as 12 percent. "Gee, I don't know why Democrats don't want to jump on board the SS TrumpCare," Colbert shrugged.

Trump isn't just swatting at the Times. Colbert reminded his audience about Trump's framed fake Time magazine covers, suggesting that Trump could "do better than that. If you're going to fake a magazine cover, put yourself on the cover of O. Living his best life. Radiant." Trump tweeted that The Washington Post, which broke that story, and its parent company, Amazon, should pay more internet tax — which, first, isn't a thing, Colbert noted. "Second, Mr. Trump, we know you think The Washington Post is fake news, you don't have to keep telling us. I mean, Obama didn't wake up every morning and tweet: 'Still first black president. #iamthedream'."

Colbert ended with some jokes about the "GoldenEye" ransomware outbreak that has seized up computers from Chernobyl to U.S. companies like Merck, Oreo, and Nabisco. "No!" he said, drawing a line. "Our presidential elections are one thing, but how dare you hack our drugs and our cookies — that's how we cope with the results of our presidential election." Watch below. Peter Weber