Speed Reads

Late Night Tackles Trump and Immigration

Stephen Colbert wryly notes that Trump favors certain colors of Starburst, too

Stephen Colbert kicked off Monday's Late Show by wishing his viewers a happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day, then noting that in Alabama and Mississippi, it's also Robert E. Lee Day. "Look, even if you like Robert E. Lee, there's a lot of other Mondays out there," he said. But it's also "Day 4 of S--thole Gate," Colbert said. "I'm confident to my core that that's going to be bleeped, because CBS has higher standards than the president." Sen. Dick Durbin (D-Ill.) is standing by his assertion that Trump said "shithole," he said, adding: "Really, I'm allowed to say 'Dick Durbin?' That's surprising."

Before Trump denied saying that exact vulgarity on Friday, he was reportedly calling friends to brag about it. "He's like a toddler calling his mom to the potty: 'Come look at the load I dropped in the national discourse,'" Colbert said. He also compared Trump to a "racist Rumpelstiltskin." Like his fellow late-night hosts, Colbert wasn't overly impressed with the reported GOP assertion that Trump said "shithouse," not "shithole": "Either way, Trump is being a complete asshouse, who maybe, maybe, doesn't belong in the White Hole."

Colbert noted Trump's growing bromance with House Majority Leader Kevin "My Kevin" McCarthy, who gave Trump a jar of just strawberry and cherry Starbursts after noticing red and pink are the only colors he eats. He didn't dawdle on the punch line: "Oh, so Trump likes some colors more than others, just like his immigration policy."

Colbert noted the Wall Street Journal report that Trump paid an adult film star $130,000 to stay quiet about a 2006 affair during the final days of the 2016 election. "That is truly shocking — that Donald Trump paid one of his contractors," he quipped. You can watch his other musings about L'Affaire Stormy Daniels below. Peter Weber