Stephen Colbert began Monday's Late Show by congratulating his American viewers on having a government — at least until Feb. 8. Senate Democrats agreed to reopen the government for three weeks in exchange for a 6-year extension of the Children's Health Insurance Program (CHIP) and a promise from Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) to hold a vote to protect DREAMers. That's a bum deal, Colbert said. "Mitch McConnell has proved he will lie to anyone about anything," but "here we are. To avoid another shutdown, all that needs to happen is that Congress has to agree on how to fix our entire immigration system in 17 days — and once they do that, the pigs that fly out of all their butts will solve world hunger."
President Trump isn't helping create the environment for such magic to bloom, Colbert said, recapping his more over-the-top attacks on Democrats over the weekend and his gloating on Monday about how Democrats "caved." "Wait a second, there's a cave?" Colbert asked. "Can we all fit in there? Is there enough food and water for the next three years?"
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