Speed Reads

last night on late night

Stephen Colbert geeks out on Elon Musk's Falcon Heavy launch, lady Doritos

On Tuesday, SpaceX successfully launched its Falcon Heavy rocket, the world's most powerful spacecraft, boosted by two Falcon 9 rockets that then made perfect synchronized Earth landings for reuse. Stephen Colbert was super excited. "Here's the kicker — this is the really exciting part — the launch was to show not only that the Falcon was reusable but the Falcon Heavy can carry a large payload," he explained on Tuesday's Late Show. "So to test it, Elon Musk sent up his own Tesla convertible with a dummy astronaut at the wheel, blasting David Bowie's 'Life on Mars.' That's right, this is absolutely true: A giant phallus cranking rock 'n' roll, releasing a red convertible into the dark void — and the award for Most Midlife Crisis goes to Elon Musk."

But Musk also put the words "Don't Panic" on his Tesla's screen, Colbert said, "which as we all know is a reference to Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. We get it, Musk, you're King Nerd. I relinquish my crown."

"Meanwhile, in the other frontiers of science, snack food," Colbert said, Pepsi CEO Indra Nooyi "hinted on a podcast that Doritos is making 'lady-friendly' chips that don't crunch for women. Not only that, but if it does make noise, it will be immediately interrupted by a crunching male chip." Now, "if you're wondering, as I am, 'Why God, why?'" Colbert said, the answer is apparently science. Or something. Watch below. Peter Weber