Speed Reads

Late Night Tackles President Trump

Stephen Colbert and John Oliver go deep, laugh at Trump's military parade, eagerness to face Mueller

President Trump's latest idiotic idea is a military parade in Washington, D.C., Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday's Late Show. "All right, check your cards — who has Dictator Bingo?!?" Colbert explained why, historically and symbolically, America doesn't do military parades, then rolled his eyes at Trump getting his idea from France: "He knows Bastille Day is about poor people chopping off rich people's heads, right?"

Trump reportedly wants to ignore his lawyers and testify before Special Counsel Robert Mueller, because he's an expert at testifying under oath, having been taken to court some 1,300 times, Colbert said. And — as he did Wednesday — he encouraged Trump to do it, using chicken-related props.

Colbert asked his guest, John Oliver, what he thought about Trump's parade idea, and Oliver put Trump on the couch. "I will say this — it won't make him happy," he said. "Whatever this presidency is about — the search for a lost father's love, trying to fill a void with something tangible — that parade is going to go past him." And when Trump realizes this, Oliver said, he might do something even stupider to fill that hole, "whereas he can't — he's an emotional vacuum and he'll die that way."

They joked about France, and Colbert said "the ceremonial aspect of being president is what [Trump] thought the entire job was." Oliver agreed: "He's going to watch the royal wedding and think, 'I want one of those. Sorry, Melania, it's time.'"

Oliver had some jovially irreverent things to say about the royal family and royal weddings, then Colbert asked about Trump's Mueller interview. "I don't doubt that he wants to talk, but he's going to have to physically get through his lawyers first," Oliver said. "He's going to have to eat his way through their hands over his mouth. ... He would perjure himself before he finished his name." Colbert reiterated that he thinks Trump should do it (wink wink), and Oliver caught on. Watch below. Peter Weber