Late night hosts gape at Trump's rambling Rose Garden rally, Goya gig, coronavirus cannibalism

The COVID-19 pandemic continues to ravage the U.S., Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday's Late Show. "Now, the CDC reporting all this coronavirus hospital data is making the Trump administration look terrible, but the Trump administration has finally come up with a solution to the crisis," he said: Sending the data to the Trump administration, not the CDC. President Trump "knows he's failed," Colbert said. "He's just like a kid grabbing his report card out of the mailbox before anyone can see it."

Colbert cringed at Trump's bizarre Rose Garden campaign rally and compounded Tuesday's "stunning" and "truly pathetic" political fall of Jeff Sessions by dunking him in a glass of milk and eating him.

Trump's press conference "went pretty off-the-rails," Jimmy Fallon said at The Tonight Show, showing some highlights. "Instead of a press conference, people said it was more like a campaign rally in front of 20 people — in other words, it was just like Tulsa." Meanwhile, "Ivanka Trump decided to show her support" for boycott-threatened Goya with a photo of her and canned beans, Fallon said. "Sadly, after Ivanka tweeted in Spanish, Trump immediately had her deported."

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The Late Show went with Ivanka Trump-Goya fart gags.

Ivanka's bean tweet violated ethics laws, so "Donald Trump responded by doing an even more elaborate Goya ad of his own," Trevor Noah said at The Daily Show. "The dude doesn't look like a president, he looks like a local athlete who retired 15 years ago and is desperate for money," or "the end of The Shining if the movie was sponsored by bodegas."

"Speaking of going insane, the president and his political allies are telling you to suck it up and deal with the out-of-control coronavirus outbreak," Seth Meyers said at Late Night. "Scared of getting sick? The White House says too bad, 'We need to live with it.' Lost your job amid the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression? The only advice they have is 'find something new,' courtesy of the new ad campaign rolled out by Ivanka Trump, who famously has found many jobs on her own with no help from her father!" And Rush Limbaugh seriously "cited the Donner Party — you know, the cannibals — as an example of how we should adapt to the pandemic," Meyers said. "Finally, the Republicans have found a message to run on — 'Trump 2020: Your Neighbors Are Delicious.'" Watch below. Peter Weber