"We're still learning more about the origins of the COVID-19 virus — specifically, that we don't know anything about the origins of the COVID-19 virus," Stephen Colbert explained on Thursday's Late Show. "Oh, here's something I know: Senate Republicans are ready to deploy the filibuster to block a commission on the Jan. 6 insurrection — which means now we need a May 27 commission to find out why the Republicans blocked the Jan. 6 commission. President Biden did what anybody would do after hearing such depressing news: He went out for ice cream."
"Biden has been president for four months, which means it's time to start talking about the 2024 presidential election," Colbert deadpanned. Former President Donald Trump is the presumptive GOP frontrunner, and the Republicans looking for someone without all Trump's baggage are missing the point, he said. "Those are all his secret ingredients. That's like taking away the Colonel's 11 herbs and spices — with both guys, all you'd have left is a chicken-loving old man who reminds you of the Confederacy."
Colbert ended with an ode to Georgia Gov. Brian Kemp's (R) mangling the lyrics to the Star-Spangled Banner on Fox News, and Jimmy Kimmel asked his lone studio audience member, Gov. Gavin Newsom (D), if he could tell Kemp "how moved we all were by his speech" if he sees him at "governor camp."
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"Speaking of governor, MyPillow man Mike Lindell is rumored to be planning a run in Minnesota, but he hasn't received a warm welcome from his fellow Republican governors," Kimmel said. "In fact, he says he was turned away from the annual meeting of the Republican Governors Association." His conversation with his Lindell impersonator got so graphic, Kimmel apologized to Newsom.
Lindell was booted because he promised to confront Kemp and Arizona Gov. Doug Ducey (R) about Biden's victories, Seth Meyers said at Late Night, but "I'm sure it's not the first venue Lindell's been thrown out of."
"Republicans in Arizona are pushing forward with an insane so-called audit of that state's election results, with plans to pursue similar audits in other states that Joe Biden won," Meyers said. This seemingly endless re-litigation of Trump's loss is "pathetic, and dangerous," he said, and Republicans "just want to double-down on Trump's big lie so they can steal elections in the future." He also acted out a delightful conversation between a cigarette-smoking cockroach and an operatic cicada.
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August 31 editorial cartoonsCartoons Sunday’s political cartoons include FEMA's new scheme, Gavin Newsom's antics, and a clue in the Epstein files
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Disarming Hezbollah: Lebanon's risky missionTalking Point Iran-backed militia has brought 'nothing but war, division and misery', but rooting them out for good is a daunting and dangerous task
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Woof! Britain's love affair with dogsThe Explainer The UK's canine population is booming. What does that mean for man's best friend?
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Florida erases rainbow crosswalk at Pulse nightclubSpeed Read The colorful crosswalk was outside the former LGBTQ nightclub where 49 people were killed in a 2016 shooting
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Trump says Smithsonian too focused on slavery's illsSpeed Read The president would prefer the museum to highlight 'success,' 'brightness' and 'the future'
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Trump to host Kennedy Honors for Kiss, StalloneSpeed Read Actor Sylvester Stallone and the glam-rock band Kiss were among those named as this year's inductees
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White House seeks to bend Smithsonian to Trump's viewSpeed Read The Smithsonian Institution's 21 museums are under review to ensure their content aligns with the president's interpretation of American history
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Charlamagne Tha God irks Trump with Epstein talkSpeed Read The radio host said the Jeffrey Epstein scandal could help 'traditional conservatives' take back the Republican Party
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CBS cancels Colbert's 'Late Show'Speed Read 'The Late Show with Stephen Colbert' is ending next year
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Shakespeare not an absent spouse, study proposesspeed read A letter fragment suggests that the Shakespeares lived together all along, says scholar Matthew Steggle
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New Mexico to investigate death of Gene Hackman, wifespeed read The Oscar-winning actor and his wife Betsy Arakawa were found dead in their home with no signs of foul play
