Feature

The 2014 World Cup draw: Team U.S.A. is screwed

The red, white, and blue land in the Group of Death

The draw for the group stage of the 2014 World Cup took place today in Brazil — and it does not look pretty for the United States.

That's right. Not only will the U.S. face off against Germany, ranked the second-best team in the world by FIFA, but also Portugal, which is led by one Cristiano Ronaldo, who has been in amazing form of late. Furthermore, while the U.S. should technically be the favorite against Ghana, the Black Stars have a nasty habit of breaking American hearts at World Cups.

Behold Asamoah Gyan knocking the United States out of the 2010 World Cup, and doing his little victory dance.

Sorry, USA. Better luck in 2018.

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