The daily gossip: Taylor Swift sings about being murdered by her daughter-in-law, the James Corden restaurant debacle isn't over yet, and more

The old Taylor can't come to the phone right now. Why? Because she's been murdered! Taylor Swift fans are feeling groggy this afternoon after pulling all-nighters for her new album Midnights, which was accompanied at 3 a.m. by a surprise seven bonus tracks. Among the biggest takeaways included Swift addressing rumors she's secretly engaged, seemingly calling out John Mayer over their age gap when they dated, and … referencing 30 Rock? But we can't say we predicted one of the best songs would include lyrics about Swift having "this dream my daughter-in-law kills me for the money she thinks I left them in the will," and the music video for "Anti-Hero" depicts Swift's funeral. Her adult sons, played by Mike Birbiglia and John Early, and daughter-in-law, played by Mary Elizabeth Ellis, read her will in front of her casket, discovering she has left them 13 cents, and they conclude "she's laughing up at us from hell." Wow, Knives Out 2 looks great! 

Order up — here comes a fresh serving of James Corden restaurant drama. Earlier this week, restauranter Keith McNally said he banned Corden from his restaurant Balthazar for allegedly being abusive toward staff, only for McNally to lift the ban after he said Corden called to apologize. But now, Corden himself spoke to The New York Times and was completely unapologetic, telling the outlet, "I haven't done anything wrong, on any level." The late-night host added he feels "so Zen about the whole thing" because "I think it's so silly," arguing the situation is "beneath all of us" to be talking about. So McNally took to Instagram to make clear the feud is now back on. "I wish James Corden would live up to his Almighty initials and come clean," he said, adding he'll let Corden eat free for 10 years if he apologizes to the servers. Can we start with an apology for Cinderella first, though, and then get to all this restaurant stuff? 

The James Bond producers apparently had no time for Ed Sheeran, and he's still "hurt" about it. On the That Peter Crouch Podcast, the "Shape of You" singer revealed he came close to writing the theme for the last James Bond movie before Billie Eilish stepped in to do it instead. According to Sheeran, he was "within a f--king gnat's pube of doing" the theme for No Time to Die until the project changed directors and scripts. "We'd done all the meetings, I started writing it," he said. But the gig ultimately went to Eilish, who won an Oscar for the song. Sheeran says, though, he'd still be down to do a Bond theme for a future film if asked again. "I'm not gonna pretend it didn't hurt not doing it, but yeah I would," he said. Has he tried wooing the Bond producers with his go-to gift, a 4,000-pound penis statue? 

Kanye West is quickly becoming an Avengers-level threat. As the rapper continues to go around making wildly antisemitic comments, and on the same day Balenciaga ended its business relationship with him, Rolling Stone reported that West intends to create "his own small 'universe.'" According to the report, Ye's team has been filing trademark applications that would allow him to "create his own mini-community," which he has dubbed a "Yecosystem," which would be a "self-sustained enterprise that would have its own branded homes, retail stores that sell Yecosystem-branded food items and beverages." West, who has already opened his own private school called Donda Academy, reportedly wants to get started on this as soon as next month, possibly beginning in Atlanta, and then "establish these mini-communities across the country," Rolling Stone reports. But how many Infinity Stones has he collected so far? 

Well, we definitely didn't anticipate a multi-day news cycle about salad dressing when this week began. Jason Sudeikis' ex-girlfriend has seemingly thrown shade at Olivia Wilde amid the shenanigans surrounding her "special" salad dressing. For those normal people for whom that sentence reads like gibberish, Wilde and Sudeikis' former nanny recently claimed to the Daily Mail that the Ted Lasso star once freaked out about Wilde making salad for her new boyfriend Harry Styles with her "special" dressing, so Wilde posted a page from the Nora Ephron book Heartburn on Instagram, seemingly implying she got the dressing recipe from there. Now Keeley Hazell, who dated Sudeikis after the Wilde split, has posted the same page from the book, except she underlined a section that includes the quote, "Why do you feel you have to turn everything into a story?'" That's right: We're currently talking about a celebrity feud involving Nora Ephron and salad dressing. The celebrity gossip Mad Libs generator has officially gone too far.