"Pfizer today announced that their vaccine is safe for kids age 5 to 11," Jimmy Kimmel said on Monday's Kimmel Live. "According to a Pfizer board member, a vaccine for those children could be available by the end of October. Well, I know what I'll be handing out for Halloween — Fun Size Pfizer."
"Many Americans are still resisting the vaccine in favor of the paste they use to deworm horses, so much so that horse owners are having trouble finding it — and even when they do, the increased demand has jacked the price way up," Kimmel said. "For those who cannot get their hands on the horsey sauce, the anti-vax crowd has been turning to monoclonal antibody treatment. This is an IV hookup that helps to reduce the symptoms of COVID. It's pretty incredible people who don't trust vaccines do trust being pumped full of lab-created antibodies. This is like skydiving, and instead of using the parachute you're given, you're just like, 'Yeah, I'll just crash near a hospital.'"
Pfizer's kid-dose vaccine efficacy is "great news — until you hear a 6-year-old say 'I want to do my own research first,'" Jimmy Fallon joked at The Tonight Show. "Of course, a lot of kids will get the vaccine, while a small minority will insist on taking pony dewormer." His team also created a fake Pfizer ad combining the vaccine for kids with another popular Pfizer drug, and you can watch that below.
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Crossword: August 27, 2025The Week's daily crossword
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