Speed Reads

Bad job, bad effort

Potato-wielding Providence man tries, fails to rob stores

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"Give me all the money or I'll make French fries!" Terrifying, right? So that's probably not what a Providence man shouted while trying to rob some local businesses, but it would have been apt given his choice of weapon: a potato.

Yes, police in Providence, R.I., are looking for a suspect who allegedly tried to rob a convenience store and a dry cleaner Monday while brandishing the starchy vegetable, according to the local WPRI news station. Maybe the suspect left his potato gun at home and didn't feel like going back to get it?

Regardless, the effort did not go so well. A clerk at one location gave the suspect a fake $20 bill, while a manager at the other chased him away with a baseball bat. Pro tip to would-be robbers: If you're going to rob a joint with a plant, maybe try a disorienting Buddha's hand, or at least a prickly cactus.