Speed Reads

last night on late night

Stephen Colbert congratulates New Yorkers on not being terrorized

On Monday's Late Show, Stephen Colbert lit in to the "jerk" who put pressure-cooker bombs in a Manhattan neighborhood, said he was really glad nobody was killed or seriously injured, and took "a second to salute everybody in law enforcement" for nabbing the suspected perpetrator, Ahmed Khan Rahami, so quickly. But mostly he lovingly made fun of New Yorkers, who seemed to have taken the attempted mass murders in stride.

"At this point, can't we assume that any New Yorker buying a pressure cooker is up to no good?" he asked. "No one who lives here cooks." Noting that at least one of the bombs was apparently disabled when two guys stole the suitcase it was hidden in, Colbert said of course it was, "because as all New Yorkers know, if you see something, steal something." New Jersey got its share of ribbing, too. "Rahami should have known that he couldn't terrorize us," Colbert said. "New Yorkers are not fazed by meatheads from New Jersey coming into the city on a Saturday night to make a lot of noise. We're used to it."

"You barely disrupted our lives, okay?" Colbert said to Rahami. "So a block got shut down so cops could look around. That happens every time they shoot an episode of Law & Order. New Yorkers are used to danger — this is a city with a neighborhood called Hell's Kitchen. The official New York City bird is the middle finger." Watch Colbert's salute to New Yorkers, and his one-fingered salute to Rahami, below. Peter Weber