Speed Reads

Late Night Tackles President Trump

Stephen Colbert and the Mt. Rushmore heads discuss Trump's brewing assault on national monuments

Thursday night's Late Show kicked off with the presidential heads on Mt. Rushmore discussing the executive order President Trump signed on Wednesday, instructing the Interior Department to review all national monuments designated since 1996. "He's trying to weaken my Antiquities Act!" said the head of Theodore Roosevelt. "Bully! He's a bully." The conversation got stranger from there.

Stephen Colbert returned to the order in his monologue, noting that the review could lead to drilling, mining, and logging on protected lands. "Guys, he's just trying to do the right thing," he said when the audience booed, "because it's important that we finally find out how much oil is in Lincoln's eyeball." The executive order is controversial, but "Trump really believes in it," Colbert said, playing a truncated clip of Trump saying he "sometimes" looks at some of the things he's signing. "Sometimes he looks at the things he's signing?" Colbert said. "Sometimes? Just randomly? Not all the time? Has anyone tried putting a resignation letter in front of him? It's worth a shot."

He played the rest of the clip, which included Trump patting himself on the back for his courage and pointing out that Gov. Paul LePage (R-Maine) has lost a lot of weight, but he liked him when he was fat, too. "He likes him both ways," Colbert repeated, making some ... let's say guitar-playing motions. Colbert also quaked over the "unprecedented nuclear crisis" with North Korea, and noted that former President Barack Obama is back on the national stage — and giving a speech to investment firm Cantor Fitzgerald for a cool $400,000. "So, Hillary wasn't able to continue Obama's legacy, but at least Obama was able to continue hers," Colbert said. "$400,000? With that kind of money, you could join Mar-a-Lago." Peter Weber