Lawyers for President Trump and his lawyer/fixer, Michael Cohen, were in court Monday, asking a federal judge to let them see files the FBI seized from Cohen before federal prosecutors get a chance. "And the judge said, and I quote, 'Heh heh no,'" Stephen Colbert said on Tuesday's Late Show. "Cohen is in all sorts of shady dealings — Shady Dealings, by the way, the next porn star," allegedly, Colbert said, and sources say that even Trump and people at the Trump Organization don't really know about all of Cohen's deals.
Porn star Stormy Daniels, who was also at Monday's court hearing, released a sketch on Tuesday of the man she says threatened her to keep quiet about her purported affair with Trump. "There he is, the man who threatened her," Colbert said, showing the sketch: "The love child of Willem Dafoe, Tom Brady, and Bon Jovi." He even had some video of the guy.
Kendrick Lamar's Pulitzer for his rap opus Damn "is a really big deal, because it's the first non-classical, non-jazz Pulitzer Prize winner in history," Colbert said. "So it's official: Rap is dead. It's now going to be destroyed by college poetry professors with the elbow patches." That led to that Wu-Tang Clan album that pharma bro Martin Shkreli bought the only copy of for $2 million.
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"Unfortunately, Shkreli came down with an acute case of goingtojail, so he was forced to turn the album over to the Department of Justice, which means that, believe it or not, the forfeited Wu-Tang album is now in Jeff Sessions' hands," Colbert said. "He could be staring at the album cover right now, trying to figure out how there are nine black men he hasn't put in jail yet." He brought out his Keebler-sized Sessions to ask him what he plans to do with the album, but Method Man and Ghostface Killah had other plans. Watch below. Peter Weber
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