Speed Reads

eternally grateful

How to sprinkle thanks to President Trump for firing Comey into your everyday life

President Trump just revealed what you should be saying to break the ice instead of yet another bad pickup line.

With this versatile new laudation, Trump brings us back to that moment last May when he fired then-FBI Director James Comey — apparently because Trump was frustrated with Comey's investigation into Russian election meddling. Most Americans quickly decried the firing as a bad idea.

Anyhow, this catchphrase is the perfect way to answer the phone — forget Alexander Graham Bell's measly "ahoy." Try sprinkling it in as a blessing before dinner, or perhaps after you thank your barista for that latte. For any creative and patriotic American, the possibilities are endless.

Thank you, Mr. President, for the new motto.