After two years, Special Counsel Robert Mueller's report will be made public Thursday, Stephen Colbert half-celebrated on Wednesday's Late Show. Attorney General William Barr and Deputy Attorney General Rosenstein will discuss the report at 9:30 a.m., before releasing it hours later, and it "will undoubtedly blow the lid off Donald Trump's corruption," Colbert deadpanned, holding up a dozen eggs. "Until then, I will pass the time counting my chickens, which I will safely place in one basket."
"One person who's likely to appear in the report is WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange," dragged out of Ecuador's London embassy last week "looking like Gandalf the Douche," Colbert said. Why did Ecuador revoke his asylum after seven years? "Well for one, Ecuador's government accused him of spying on other countries from their embassy and of hacking the phone of their president, Lenín Moreno, then posting this picture of Moreno eating lobster in bed," he said. "Also, Assange, it turns out, is the worst roommate on Planet Earth."
According to embassy staff, Assange rode a skateboard in the halls, played loud music at all hours, walked around in his underwear, refused to care for his cat, stunk up the embassy with his lack of personal hygiene, smeared feces on the wall, and he'd "always take what was clearly marked as 'Ecuador's Yogurt — Do Not Eat,'" Colbert joked. "To back up their point, Ecuador leaked this security camera footage" skateboarding badly.
The Week
Escape your echo chamber. Get the facts behind the news, plus analysis from multiple perspectives.
Sign up for The Week's Free Newsletters
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
"Now, a lot of people have been worried about the cat — remember the cat that he's not feeding?" Colbert said, and he used Embassy Cat's outfits to pivot back to the Mueller report and Russian collusion.
The "known tie to Russian intelligence" is the one holding the cat. Watch below. Peter Weber
-
Codeword: November 13, 2025The Week's daily codeword puzzle
-
Sudoku hard: November 13, 2025The Week's daily hard sudoku puzzle
-
Who were the ‘weekend snipers’ of Sarajevo?Under the Radar Italian authorities launch investigation into allegations far-right gun enthusiasts paid to travel to Bosnian capital and shoot civilians ‘for fun’ during the four-year siege
-
Hungary’s Krasznahorkai wins Nobel for literatureSpeed Read László Krasznahorkai is the author of acclaimed novels like ‘The Melancholy of Resistance’ and ‘Satantango’
-
Primatologist Jane Goodall dies at 91Speed Read She rose to fame following her groundbreaking field research with chimpanzees
-
Florida erases rainbow crosswalk at Pulse nightclubSpeed Read The colorful crosswalk was outside the former LGBTQ nightclub where 49 people were killed in a 2016 shooting
-
Trump says Smithsonian too focused on slavery's illsSpeed Read The president would prefer the museum to highlight 'success,' 'brightness' and 'the future'
-
Trump to host Kennedy Honors for Kiss, StalloneSpeed Read Actor Sylvester Stallone and the glam-rock band Kiss were among those named as this year's inductees
-
White House seeks to bend Smithsonian to Trump's viewSpeed Read The Smithsonian Institution's 21 museums are under review to ensure their content aligns with the president's interpretation of American history
-
Charlamagne Tha God irks Trump with Epstein talkSpeed Read The radio host said the Jeffrey Epstein scandal could help 'traditional conservatives' take back the Republican Party
-
CBS cancels Colbert's 'Late Show'Speed Read 'The Late Show with Stephen Colbert' is ending next year
