Stephen Colbert crafts a snappy new Trump campaign slogan out of Mueller's most devastating statement

Stephen Colbert grills Robert Mueller
(Image credit: Screenshot/Twitter/The Late Show)

The "first bombshell" from former Special Counsel Robert Mueller's marathon testimony in front of two House committees Wednesday was that "Mueller has a gangster nickname," Bobby Three Sticks, Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday's Late Show. "Hey, not for nothin' but Bobby Three Sticks is keepin' an eye on Big Donny Fish Lips, head of the Trumpbino crime family," he said in mafia-movie voice. "Rumor has it Donny Fish Lips is in cahoots with Vladdy No Shirt."

Colbert then recapped the hearings, noting that Democrats did achieve at least one goal early on, getting Mueller to clearly affirm that he did not exonerate Trump — though Mueller failed to use "America talk" when he did so. Also, "Mueller had his own problems at the hearing, mostly trouble hearing," he said. "It's like Congress is talking to its grandpa." But Mueller did say Trump could be indicted after he leaves office, Colbert said, to cheers. "Well, I think Trump has a new campaign slogan: 'Trump 2020 — I'm Too Pretty For Jail!'"

Republicans tried repeatedly to show that Mueller and his team had it in for Trump, but when Mueller finally shot down the idea that his prosecutors were "Democrats," he did show his cards a bit, Colbert joked. "There it is: Cares about people doing their jobs quickly, seriously, and with integrity — he just admitted he's biased against Donald Trump."

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Mueller's testimony was less dramatic than many people had hoped, but Colbert jumped in to spice things up a bit. Watch below. Peter Weber

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Peter Weber

Peter Weber is a senior editor at, and has handled the editorial night shift since the website launched in 2008. A graduate of Northwestern University, Peter has worked at Facts on File and The New York Times Magazine. He speaks Spanish and Italian and plays bass and rhythm cello in an Austin rock band. Follow him on Twitter.