"Congress finally passed the $1.9 trillion COVID-19 relief package," and "most Americans are thrilled the bill passed," Jimmy Fallon said on Wednesday's Tonight Show. "In fact, President Biden is so amped he just bit his dog."
Yes, "the stimulus package was President Biden's first major legislative achievement — not to be confused with Major Biden's first legislative achievement, The Chompin' on the Secret Service, Squirrel! Squirrel! Squirrel! Act," Stephen Colbert joked at The Late Show. The White House is moving fast to deliver the $1,400 stimulus payments, which is one reason Biden's name won't be printed on the checks, but "make no mistake, Biden is going to take credit for it," he said, imagining billboards for the coming sales blitz: "Money: You Like It!"
Still, "as much legislative meat as Joe's tossin' on the griddle, Republicans are having a little trouble sticking a fork in him," because it "turns out spending a year calling someone 'senile' and 'sleepy' doesn't make them a good boogeyman," Colbert said. "So with nothing else to fire up the crowd, the GOP is talking nonstop about cultural issues like Dr. Seuss, Meghan Markle, and Mr. Potato Head, also known as Piers Morgan."
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The stimulus bill will "deliver huge benefits to the poor and working class, but the GOP and Fox News have been much more focused on Looney Toons and the royal family," plus Dr. Seuss, the Muppets, and Biden's dog, Seth Meyers said on Late Night. "In fairness, this outrage might just be because Fox News has lost so many advertisers that they're last major sponsor is the Acme Corp," but "imagine being an actual adult and spending any amount of time at all complaining about a decades-old cartoon character being left out of a movie."
The $1.9 trillion relief bill "will provide aid to millions, it will cut the poverty rate for children in half, it will give Americans more access to health care, and boost the vaccination rate — so naturally, Republicans are against it," Jimmy Kimmel said on Kimmel Live. And the legislation is insanely popular, too. "The only other Bill 70 percent of Americans support is Murray," he joked. "If a meteor was hurtling toward the Earth and Chuck Schumer said 'We gotta stop this,' Mitch McConnell would be like, 'No, we don't, no we don't. Could lead to socialism.'"
The Late Show did find one thing congressional Republicans don't hate, though. Peter Weber
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