Speed Reads

last night on late night

Jimmy Kimmel has a field day with Matt Gaetz dragging Tucker Carlson into his underage sex allegations

It was "another major news day — and when I say 'Major,' I am again talking about President Biden's dog," Jimmy Kimmel said on Wednesday's Kimmel Live. Just days after nipping at a Park Service employee, Major — or his brother, Champ — pooped in a White House hallway, he said, citing an Associated Press report. "What a scoop that is. I like that the White House dog making a bowel movement is a news story. A year ago we were out of ventilators, okay?"

"Florida congressman Matt Gaetz is having a bad week, after a bombshell report by The New York Times last night," Kimmel said. "Matt Gaetz is basically the shrimp tail in your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. He is not well-liked by anyone, and he's reportedly being investigated by the Department of Justice, they're looking into whether or not he had a sexual relationship with a 17-year-old and paid for her travel across state lines, which becomes sex trafficking."

"Not only does Gaetz deny the charges, he tried to explain to Tucker Carlson last night that the real victim is him," Kimmel said. "You can really tell he's speaking from the heart and not from a statement his lawyer wrote on the screen." Gaetz also tried repeatedly to drag Carlson into his case. "This interview was so all-over-the-place you'd think Matt Gaetz owned a pillow company," he laughed. "This is like when your college roommate shows up and meets your new wife and starts saying things like, 'Remember the time we had that threesome with a goat?'"

"Gaetz went on to say he suspects he's being targeted because his father is rich and he's a prominent Republican," Kimmel said. "But this isn't a partisan investigation. In fact it was opened by Trump's attorney general Bill Barr, who reportedly didn't want to be seen with Matt Gaetz in public." Carlson called it "one of the weirdest interviews" he's ever conducted, Kimmel added, "and this is a man who interviewed someone who claimed Hillary Clinton was running a Satanic pedophile operation out of a pizza place, so there's always a twist."

The Gaetz allegations just barely made it into The Daily Show's dispiriting recap of Women's History Month. Peter Weber