Speed Reads

Biden's joint address

Stephen Colbert recaps the good, bad, and refreshingly normal in Biden's 1st address to Congress

President Biden gave his first address to a joint session of Congress on Wednesday night, and Stephen Colbert had some thoughts on a special live Late Show. "Now, because of the pandemic, the night was a bit odd," he said. "First, Biden didn't mention low-flow toilets once. Second, everything else. Biden was the first president to deliver the speech in front of a mask-wearing audience — if you don't count Bill Clinton's last State of the Union, whose theme was 'Eyes Wide Shut.'"

"President Biden went into the speech with most Americans on his side," and when he got to the podium, "it was truly moving to finally see two women presiding over the joint session, and the president immediately noted the moment," Colbert said. "Biden struck an optimistic note," he added, but he didn't like the president's optimism metaphor. "No, not a takeoff, you're the train man! We're not taking off, we're leaving the station! 'All aboard! Toot toot!' Joe Biden can't talk about planes, you can't use plane analogies, that's like the Colonel bragging about his fried beef!"

"Now, if you were watching on Fox News, first, what are you doing here?" Colbert joked. "And second, you may have noticed that there were moments when Fox showed two different times in different corners of the screen. Well, you know the old saying: 'Even a stopped clock is right two times a day, and that's better than Fox News.'" Inside the room, it might have been a little chilly, because "at one point, far-right congresswoman Lauren Boebert unfurled a space blanket — which is weird, because usually she wears the tinfoil on her head," he quipped. And "Ted Cruz started nodding off — although Cruz said he was only escorting his daughters to dreamland, and he was planning on coming right back."

"So, what did we see tonight?" Colbert concluded. "The oldest president of all time, no handshakes just fist-bumping, 200 people in the room, and everybody in masks. It hasn't felt that normal in five years." Watch his recap of Biden's speech and jokes about Rudy Giuliani below. Peter Weber