Speed Reads

Last Night on Late Night

Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Fallon, Seth Meyers, and Amy Poehler cheerfully joke about Andrew Cuomo's resignation

It was "a beautiful day here in New York City — 85 degrees, 75 percent humidity, and this afternoon Andrew Cuomo resigned," Stephen Colbert said on Tuesday's Late Show. "Don't let the door hit you on the butt on the way out, but if it does, that door should also resign." Cuomo will still be governor for 14 days "for reasons that I do not understand," he added. "Evidently he gave himself two weeks' notice."

At his press conference, "Cuomo took full responsibility for his actions — sort of?" Colbert said. "In a fitting bit of karma, 14 days from now New York will have its first female governor, current Lt. Gov. Kathy Hochul." Amid Cuomo's scandals and Elon Musk's space billboards, "there's one bright, hopeful spot of news in America," thanks to Guy Fieri and his new Apple Pie Hot Dog, he said. "Sure, the Senate's all proud of their trillion-dollar bipartisan infrastructure bill, but this patriot built a bridge between hot dog and food."

"Cuomo announced today that he will resign amid multiple allegations of sexual harassment, so tune in to CNN tonight for... I don't know, a rerun of the History of the Sitcom?" Seth Meyers joked at Late Night. Then Amy Poehler broke in to his monologue and insisted they have "a conversation" about Cuomo — plus how neither was invited to Barack Obama's 60th birthday party, orangutans, celebrity cleanliness , and what Judge Judy would do if Cuomo touched her on the stomach. 

Cuomo "said it was best that he step aside," Jimmy Fallon said on The Tonight Show. "And then every woman in the room took two steps aside." Yeah, "it's gonna be tough for Cuomo — with a track record like this, his only future is either president or Supreme Court justice," he deadpanned. And "this is strange," he added. Right after Hochul "was announced as New York's next governor, CNN offered a prime time show to her sister. What a day! The news definitely can't get any worse for powerful guys named Andrew," Fallon joked. "Today the queen called Harry and Meghan and was like, 'Can I crash with you for a while?'"

"Speaking of crazy things, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis is threatening to withhold pay from any school officials who require masks," Fallon said. "I'm nervous about DeSantis. I mean, right now people in Florida are like, 'When can Cuomo start?'"