Breaking up is hard to do, but a gift registry could ease the pain. Functioning much like the wedding or baby shower version, a divorce registry lists items to purchase for a newly single person, to help them transition to their new life. The trend took off last year after the influencer Becca Murray created one following her divorce.
Financial and emotional loss
Divorces can be a heavy financial burden. Aside from hiring a lawyer, “you have to file your divorce with the court, potentially sell your marital property or negotiate a deal to buy it out, and deal with many other types of negotiations,” said Apartment Therapy. The process can “take years before it’s finalized.” And buying the small items required to rebuild amid such tumult is a drag.
A divorce registry “helps support people” who may be “suddenly losing half of their income, moving to a new home or refilling a half-empty one, all while paying for a divorce, which can cost five to six figures,” said Apartment Therapy. While married or dating, a couple “usually shares a lot of household essentials, like electronics, cookware and furniture,” which require replacing after splitting them and going separate ways, said Cafe Mom.
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The products in divorce registries are “exactly what you think people need,” said Olivia Howell, the founder of the gift registry Fresh Starts, to CBS News. It’s the items that “your partner may have touched a lot: dishes, cups, utensils, towels, sheets, bedding, blankets.”
Healing and destigmatizing
“Even everyday items can carry heavy memories and leave homes feeling half-empty,” said CBS News. So receiving a gift from a breakup or divorce registry is a “great way to begin the healing process,” whether it’s a “cute pair of earrings” or “accessories to make your space your own again,” said the lifestyle publication Chatelaine.
Research shows that “emotional processing can be easier when the nervous system feels safer and more regulated,” said Jessica O’Reilly, a Toronto relationship expert with a Ph.D. in human sexuality, to the outlet. And a present from a loved one and a newly established routine can help regulate the nervous system.
Most of the people building divorce and breakup registries are women. But a breakup is nonetheless the great equalizer, and a “lot of men are in the same position [that] a lot of women are in,” said Howell to CBC. “They don’t have anything when they start out” after a divorce. And even though men may also be struggling, “culturally, a lot of men are told to not ask for help or support.”
The “shift toward destigmatizing divorce was already underway,” said the Fresh Starts website. A registry gives it “infrastructure, language and legitimacy.” Plus, filling your home with gifts from loved ones “helps bolster your confidence,” said Howell, and lets you “make bigger, bolder decisions in life.”
