Each generation develops its own dating mores, lingo and modes of operation. When two Baby Boomers were in a long-term relationship, for example, they were “going steady,” a term that seems to have no meaningful analogue today. Today’s retirees might have a particularly hard time understanding what their grandchildren are talking about, given how much contemporary dating culture is both produced and reinforced by the apps that nearly everyone uses to meet their significant other these days.
Beige flag
Everyone knows what a red flag is — maybe it’s someone who has completely lost custody of a child from a past relationship, or doesn’t exist on the Internet at all. For Gen Z, a beige flag is more innocuous. It could be someone offering a cringe or basic answer to a dating app question, or someone who owns the entire DVD set of “The Big Bang Theory.” But we should be careful not to throw too many beige flags and in the process “overlook the beauty of embracing our partners’ quirks,” said The New York Times.
Benching
Benching should be familiar to older generations as a form of “taking a break,” as in the famous Ross-and-Rachel episode of the 90s-era sitcom “Friends.” But in this case it’s unilateral — one person pressing pause on a relationship because the other “may have done something you don’t like or that has upset you” but not ending it altogether, said Essence.
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Breadcrumbing
To breadcrumb someone means to give them just enough attention and communication to keep them interested in pursuing a relationship but not enough to move things forward in a meaningful way. It’s not considered a very nice thing to do because “people who have been breadcrumbed tend to feel more lonely, more helpless and less satisfied with life,” said Psychology Today.
Cuffing season
Cuffing season is the “time when many people think more deeply about romantic connections as the year winds down,” said Hinge. The term is derived from “handcuffs,” which is perhaps not the healthiest metaphor about the consequences of getting into a long-term relationship. But the idea has nevertheless taken hold with younger dating cohorts. It refers loosely to the period between Halloween and Valentine’s Day, when much of the Northern Hemisphere is cold or at least chillier than usual and when people seem to crave companionship more than usual.
Cushioning
To employ cushioning means to be dating one main person with one or more people to fall back on so you don’t get hurt. The cushion is a metaphor for a soft landing. While the technique could be employed in bad faith, it also “can potentially be a good thing if you’re not sure where you stand in a relationship,” said Men’s Health.
Freak matching
Are you someone who is completely obsessed with the idea that the American Deep State might be hiding a secret cache of classified information about the 1937 disappearance and presumed death of aviation pioneer Amelia Earhart? If it’s important enough to you that you seek other Earhart Truthers in a romantic partner, you’re engaging in freak matching. A recent survey showed that almost 40% of respondents have “connected with someone based on this kind of offbeat compatibility,” said Vice. Bonding over shared dislikes, on the other hand, is known as “grim keeping.”
Ghosting
To ghost someone means to disappear from a relationship abruptly, with no explanation and no effort to help the other person understand why. It’s widely considered cruel and cowardly, especially because it “can lead people to question their self-worth and value as a human being,” said The New York Times.
Groundhogging
Named after the beloved 1993 Bill Murray time-loop comedy, groundhogging means to seek out the exact same type of person in a relationship over and over again — even after repeated failures or disasters. This common behavior means that you’re “stuck somewhere between a largely unsuccessful pattern and the fear of trying something new,” said The Independent.
Ick
To give someone “the ick” is to accidentally drive them away with behavior that they find gross, off-putting or cringe. This often happens for a “reason that seems pretty innocuous,” said Parents. In the 2024 Netflix comedy “Nobody Wants This,” for example, Joanne (Kristen Bell) gets “the ick” when Noah (Adam Brody) goes way over the top in an effort to impress her Mom (Stephanie Faracy). Joanne gets over it, but not everyone does.
Kittenfishing
If “catfishing” is creating an entirely fake profile to lure someone into a relationship or scam (or to get a job), “kittenfishing” is the milder version. It means to stretch the truth about certain elements of a dating profile to make yourself look better. It “involves minor stretches of truth or sugarcoating the reality of things,” said The Knot. One example: claiming to hold a job title that is higher-status than the one you have.
Love bombing
A love bomber is someone who is too much, too soon — blitzing a new love interest with texts and requests to hang out, and making florid declarations of love when most people are still trying to figure out if and how they fit together. This could describe someone who is well-intentioned but overbearing. It is more often “considered to be an abuse tactic, wherein one person showers the other with affection, compliments, gifts and attention in order to gain their trust and control or manipulate them,” said Cosmopolitan.
Orbiting
Orbiting refers to an ex who has stopped seeing you or communicating with you in the real world but who nevertheless follows and occasionally interacts with you on social media. It’s confusing behavior for the recipient because it raises the question of whether or not the person is still interested in you. For the orbiter, “checking an ex-love’s social media profiles can provide dopamine boosts, acting as a reward for curiosity,” said Forbes.
Roommate syndrome
A tale as old as romance is the charged magic shared between a new couple vanishing as soon as they move in together or marry. The term refers to relationships that begin with a “lot of passion and exciting intimacy” that often “fades over time as the rigors of life kick in,” said The Gottman Institute.
Slow fade
“The slow fade of love/its soft edge might cut you,” sang Jenny Lewis of the early-aughts alt-rock band Rilo Kiley. Today the idea of a “slow fade” has been seized by younger daters to describe the practice of diminishing communications and get-togethers rather than ghosting someone or explicitly breaking up with them. You’re “disappearing from a former romantic interest's life passively over a prolonged period of time” rather than suddenly, said Self.
Submarining
A delightfully evocative term, “submarining” means to resurface — like an underwater naval vessel coming up to refill its oxygen tanks — in a former romantic’s partner’s life after ghosting or breaking up with them. The person in question typically shows up “with no apology and acts as if no time had passed,” said NPR.
