"The country is slowly emerging from a crisis that gripped not just America but the entire globe, and we're still surveying the damage of this unprecedented plague that lost to Joe Biden on Nov. 3," Stephen Colbert said on Tuesday's Late Show. For one thing, "we're learning the last president's desperate attempts to cling to power were even desperater and clingier than we thought," with his chief of staff, Mark Meadows, pressing the Justice Department to investigate election conspiracy theories, including an especially wild one called "Italygate."
"That's right, he thought the election was stolen by space Italians," Colbert laughed. "Now, obviously, this is insane. First off, and no offense, but Italy isn't exactly known for its cutting-edge orbital technology." He used a flatulence analogy to explain why he's still talking about Trump. "Of course, there was some other news today — one assumes," he said. "I don't know because this morning there was a massive global internet outage that affected news giants like CNN and The New 'York Times."
"It was just announced that former President Trump is launching a speaking tour with Bill O'Reilly called the History Tour," Jimmy Fallon said at The Tonight Show. "When he heard, Sean Hannity was like, 'Well, I met someone new and totally awesome, too, so.' It should be a fun tour. Backstage passes automatically come with a hush-money payment of $130,000."
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Yes, like the cicadas, "Trump is planning to re-emerge for some paid live appearances" with Bill O'Reilly, Jimmy Kimmel said on Kimmel Live, noting that "the History Tour" was "also the name of Michael Jackson's tour 25 years ago. Wait until you hear those two do 'The Girl is Mine,' it's quite a duet."
Kimmel also played audio CNN just obtained of "Trump's former lawyer" Rudy Giuliani pressuring Ukraine to investigate Joe Biden. "All this guy does is dig up dirt," he said, "whether it's on Joe Biden or Hunter Biden or just trying to get out of his grave every morning."
The Late Show remixed Giuliani's Ukraine call.
Trump, surprisingly, slammed Bitcoin and other "scam" cryptocurrencies, Trevor Noah said at The Daily Show. "But keep in mind, just because Trump calls it a scam doesn't mean that he's against it. It just means he's probably on his own version. Like, I say there's a 99 percent chance that by the end of the year, he's going to introduce the TrumpCoin."
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China and Taiwan's war of words ahead of anniversary paradeUnder The Radar Neighbours both claim to have led the fighting during World War Two
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Epstein files: Maxwell courts a pardonFeature A new prison transcript shows Ghislaine Maxwell praising Trump as 'a gentleman' while denying his involvement in the Epstein scandal
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Pentagon readies military deployment in ChicagoFeature The Pentagon is preparing to deploy thousands of Illinois National Guard members to Chicago after Trump threatened to send troops into other major cities
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Florida erases rainbow crosswalk at Pulse nightclubSpeed Read The colorful crosswalk was outside the former LGBTQ nightclub where 49 people were killed in a 2016 shooting
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Trump says Smithsonian too focused on slavery's illsSpeed Read The president would prefer the museum to highlight 'success,' 'brightness' and 'the future'
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Trump to host Kennedy Honors for Kiss, StalloneSpeed Read Actor Sylvester Stallone and the glam-rock band Kiss were among those named as this year's inductees
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White House seeks to bend Smithsonian to Trump's viewSpeed Read The Smithsonian Institution's 21 museums are under review to ensure their content aligns with the president's interpretation of American history
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Charlamagne Tha God irks Trump with Epstein talkSpeed Read The radio host said the Jeffrey Epstein scandal could help 'traditional conservatives' take back the Republican Party
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CBS cancels Colbert's 'Late Show'Speed Read 'The Late Show with Stephen Colbert' is ending next year
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Shakespeare not an absent spouse, study proposesspeed read A letter fragment suggests that the Shakespeares lived together all along, says scholar Matthew Steggle
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The Israeli army's 'tourist hikes' in occupied Golan HeightsUnder The Radar 'Provocative' twice-daily tours into territory seized from Syria have quickly sold out
