"A week after renaming their company Meta, Facebook has learned that there's already another tech company named Meta, and they won't sell their name for less than $20 million," Jimmy Fallon said Thursday's Tonight Show. "When asked why they didn't do their research, Facebook said, 'We did, we just did it on Facebook.'"
"The White House announced that their deadline for their workplace vaccine mandate is Jan. 4 — it's great timing: Make sure everyone is vaccinated right after the holidays," Fallon joked. Meanwhile, "Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers has tested positive for COVID, and it turns out he may have lied about being vaccinated."
"Despite telling reporters earlier this year that he'd been 'immunized,' Green Bay quarterback Aaron Rodgers reportedly received a homeopathic treatment from his personal doctor to raise his antibody levels instead of getting the coronavirus vaccine," Seth Meyers explained on Late Night. "Dude, that's an immunization the same way this is a ponytail — it's not."
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"We should've known, because nothing says 'I heal myself with crystals' like this haircut," Jimmy Kimmel said on Kimmel Live, showing a different angle on Rodgers' coiffure. "I mean, that little knot on top? Aaron is a Karen."
"Team Biden announced today that more than 100 million American workers are required to be fully vaccinated by Jan. 4, and if I know my fellow American workers, everyone's gonna be super chill about that," Kimmel said. And Biden's predecessor, Donald Trump, is ... selling $35 wrapping paper, he added. "Of course he has wrapping paper — his specialty is covering things up!"
Rodgers testing positive is "not a huge deal — professional athletes test positive for a lot of things," Stephen Colbert said at The Late Show. "Turns out, Rodgers pursed an alternative treatment and then petitioned the NFL to recognize him as vaccinated. The NFL refused," and given his "homeopathic treatment," he added, "my Goop senses are tingling. I'm no expert, but I'm guessing it's a lot easier to just to play football with a shot in your arm then a jade egg stuck where the sun don't shine. Then again, they are called the Packers."
"Football players aren't the only ones testing positive," Colbert said. "A new study has found that the majority of Iowa's white-tailed deer may already be infected with the coronavirus. How is that possible? I know for a fact that deer prefer outdoor dining."
The Late Show had a longer explanation of deer COVID, followed by Rudolph chastising Santa.
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