Speed Reads

Last Night on Late Night

Late night hosts laugh at Ron DeSantis' high school bullying, Ikea's 'tiny wrench' in Russia's Ukraine war

These are dark days, "but every once in a while there's a little gleam of sunshine in the world — a child's smile, the first flower of spring, the Jan. 6 committee laying out potential criminal charges against the former president," Stephen Colbert said on Thursday's Late Show. "Turns out there is a chance that trying to violently overthrow our democracy might be illegal," he deadpanned. "To paraphrase an idiot and his bloodthirsty mob: Lock him up."

Despite what Russian President Vladimir Putin claims, his Ukraine "invasion has been an embarrassment to Mother Russia," Colbert said. Not only are Ukrainians stepping up to fight, but aside from China, "every other major country and corporation is disowning them — for instance, Ikea is closing its Russian stores," he added. "This will go into effect just as soon as they can find that little Allen wrench to take the stores apart."

"Ikea said they'll do whatever they can to throw a useless tiny wrench into Russia's economy," Jimmy Fallon joked at The Tonight Show. "Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis saw some high school students at his press conference who were wearing masks, and he wasn't too happy about that," telling them to take them off, he noted. "When their parents asked how their day was, they were like, 'I got bullied ... by the governor?'"

The Daily Show decided DeSantis was being really unfair to Florida's bullies.

Ikea is closing its stores in Russia, "while Ikea in Ukraine is opening their doors to Russian soldiers and hoping they can't find their way out," Seth Meyers said on Late Night. "Authorities in Germany yesterday reportedly seized a Russian billionaire's $600 million mega-yacht. Said the billionaire, 'Oh no, my backup yacht.'"

The Late Show mocked the yacht-deprived Russian oligarchs — and maybe Gal Gadot.

The Jan. 6 committee has so much evidence of criminality, "this morning Trump tried to flush himself down the toilet," Jimmy Kimmel said on Kimmel Live. Speaking of Donald Trump, his border wall has been breached by smugglers 3,272 times in three years "because of the design he personally insisted on," he illustrated. "Basically, Trump installed a $15 billion doggy door along the southern border."

Kimmel showed a fake ad for a made-up Russian Ikea rival and also Fox News host Tucker Carlson "trying to distance himself from his own pro-Putin propaganda the other week."

The Daily Show's Desi Lyic frenetically "Foxsplained" the network's Putin pivot.