Speed Reads

Late Night Tackles President Trump

Jimmy Kimmel loves the new Trump phrase 'alternative facts,' lists some of his own

Last weekend was the debut of "our new celebrity a-president," Jimmy Kimmel said on Monday's Kimmel Live, "and you know how sometimes there's a lot of hype for something and then when it finally happens, it disappoints? Well, that was certainly not the case for President Donald John Madden Trump this weekend — he is off to a flying start."

Kimmel started with Trump's make-up visit to CIA headquarters, where he talked about everything from his "genius" uncle and his own intelligence to the number of times he's been on the cover of Time. But mostly Trump berated the media for saying he had a small crowd at his inauguration. "He is so focused on size — nobody asked him about that, by the way, he brought it up," Kimmel said. "He's focused on the size of his crowds, the size of his ratings, the size of his hands, the size of, well, everything. And again, he's there to make peace with the CIA but he couldn't help himself, he had a crowd and he just started going. Instead of the CIA, he should be talking to a C-I-chiatrist."

Kimmel thanked the audience for laughing at his dumb joke, then shook his head: "Who cares? He won the election — it's such a tiny thing to be mad about, but he was so mad he made his press secretary — this guy, Sean Spicer, who hadn't even had his first press conference yet — he made him gather the press, immediately on a Saturday, to yell at them." He showed the clip." No one had numbers, but it was the largest, period," Kimmel repeated, laughing. "That poor bastard doesn't even know where the coffee machine is yet, he's already having to yell at everybody." Kellyanne Conway "managed to top that" on Sunday, with her "alternative facts" line, Kimmel said. "Not since 'consciously uncoupled' have I heard something as conveniently skewed as 'alternative facts.' I wish I'd known about alternative facts when I was in high school — I would have had straight As." He finished with some "alternative facts" about himself, including some exaggerated audience estimates and other... things. Watch below. Peter Weber