"It's Impeachment Eve," Stephen Colbert said on Tuesday's Late Show. "And like every Impeachment Eve, we've put the kids to bed but they're all up listening hard to see if accountability is coming." Unfortunately, he added, "all they can hear right now is Scrooge McTrump screaming 'Humbug' from his rooftop."
Trump was "relatively quiet" all week "about his impending impeachment," Colbert said. "But the pressure clearly was building under the surface," and today "the eruption came in the form of a six-page shriek addressed to Nancy Pelosi." Colbert read snippets from the "disorienting mishmash of dry legal language mixed in with Trump's signature angry word smoothies," mocking various lines. But he agreed with Trump that he should at least be afforded the same due process as the accused witches of Salem: "Fair's fair: We should throw him in the river, and if he floats. ..."
"This might be the most deranged letter to Santa ever," Jimmy Kimmel said on Kimmel Live. "It is a long, stupid, disingenuous, and incoherent defense, signed by an angry gorilla with a Sharpie." Meanwhile, he said, "Republicans continue to insist there's nothing illegal about the illegal things the president did," and "the House Judiciary Committee released a 658-page report detailing the president's misdeeds, which — who's gonna read that? ... Unless that report comes printed on a pizza box, nobody is going to see it."
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The House Judiciary Committee's report "accused President Trump of committing multiple crimes in addition to those for which he's being impeached," Seth Meyers said at Late Night. "And while we can't talk about every single crime he may have committed, we can at least show them to you."
"Tomorrow's the big impeachment vote," The Tonight Show's Jimmy Fallon said, dressed as Trump visiting an uncomfortable-looking Santa at the mall. "People are saying all I can do is pray, but why pray when I can come straight to you, Jesus' dad?" Fallon's Trump unfurled a wish list that included Santa taking out Pelosi, and he asked for "any tips on what to get a Russian dictator who has everything? I'm pretty sure he's buying me another election, so I want to get him something good." Watch below. Peter Weber
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