Speed Reads

Late night tackles Trump and coronavirus

Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Kimmel, and Seth Meyers put Trump's coronavirus victory talk in proper context

The U.S. "hit a terrible milestone in the pandemic" Tuesday, reporting more than a million COVID-19 cases and more U.S. deaths than in the Vietnam War, Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday's Late Show. "And just like in the Vietnam War, Donald Trump is AWOL." On Wednesday's Fox & Friends, Jared Kushner looked at these grim statistics and called them "a great success story." Vice President Mike Pence, meanwhile, gave an odd excuse for not wearing a mask at the Mayo Clinic. "You can still look them in the face with a mask!" Colbert said. "It's not a blindfold."

Pence is like the jerk "who shows up at a restaurant with no shirt and no shoes still demanding service," though the real reason he didn't mask up is because Trump refuses to wear one and "the sycophants around Trump have always had to mimic him for fear of incurring his wrath," Late Night's Seth Meyers said. "But this gets at a core maxim of the Trump cult: they see themselves as above the rules and above you. That's why Trump and his sycophants on Fox News are all talking about reopening the economy and proclaiming that we all need to get back to work. What they really means is you need to get back to work while they all sit comfortably in safe isolation."

"If states lift their stay-at-home orders too soon, we could be right back in the same boat we were in a few weeks ago — and that boat, by the way, is a Diamond Princess cruise ship," Jimmy Kimmel said. But "Team Trump is declaring victory," and Kushner's claim that "the federal government rose to the challenge and that this is 'a great success story'" wasn't even "the craziest thing he said," Kimmel laughed. "I love the idea that he's watching late-night television to see if we make jokes about him. Jared, in case you are, here's a few I think you'll like." A sample: "Jared Kushner is so dead inside, the president calls him Melania."

Trump's promise Wedneday that COVID-19 cases will eventually hit zero "is what happens when you elect a real estate developer as a president — their time lines are always going to be B.S.," The Daily Show's Trevor Noah said. "By the way, what did Trump mean when he said corona cases will go down to zero 'at the appropriate time'? How is now not the appropriate time?" Watch below. Peter Weber